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Attack at Hierakonpolis
Weighing the evidence for and dating of Solanum virus outbreaks in early Egypt
With the records available to us (Mr. Brooks obviously has access to others), the British dig can be identified as that conducted by Mssr. Somers Clarke and J.J. Tylor, during which they cleared the decorated tombs of Ny-ankh-pepy (Old Kingdom and Middle Kingdom) and Horemkhawef (Second Intermediate Period) on Old Kingdom hill. The notes of Tylor are lost to us, but Clarke's are preserved in the Griffith Institute, Oxford. Unusually cryptic in his discussion, he makes no mention of such a momentous discovery. Thus we can only infer that the tomb in question is one of those in the adjoining courtyard, and just a short distance from the underground chamber we examined in 2006 (see Hierakonpolis 2006: Adventures Underground). The tomb in question may indeed be the one we use a cozy and sheltered spot to take our lunch while working on the Fort, as its plastered, but unpainted walls are indeed covered with innumerable scratch marks that defy photography. If is the case, we might quibble--purely for the sake of scientific accuracy--that the 3000 B.C. date ascribed for the attack should be revised downward to the Old Kingdom, but its premier historical position remains unaffected. [Editor's note: this proposed re-dating, if accepted, necessitates a revision of Brooks's zombie-attack timeline.]
While currently this might seem a speculative theory for state formation, the fine preservation of the brains rattling around in the skulls of some of the cut folks does provide the potential for scientific verification. We are currently seeking funding for a major research project to determine if remnants of the virus can be distilled from the preserved brain matter and, of course, more importantly, whether this virus is still viable. If so, it may allow for a vaccination to be developed so that this scourge, which seems to have threatened mankind for even longer than we previously imagined, can finally be put to rest.
Little is known about how long the virus can lay dormant, thus it is possible that another outbreak could occur at any time--given its history, especially at Hierakonpolis. With this potential in mind, we asked Tom Flanigan, zombie eradication expert for the U.S. Forestry Service, to draw up a contingency plan for us--see his report below. However, we stress that nothing amiss has been observed during any of our recent excavations (though the number of missing heads is a bit curious).
Solanum Outbreak Contingency Plan
When we think of zombies, our thoughts turn to the ghouls from Hollywood movies. Some of us with a background in anthropology may first think of Wade Davis' groundbreaking work in Haiti. Davis purported to discover that zombies were indeed real, and were the work of "Bokor" Voodoo sorcerers using a powder derived from fish toxins called poud zombie (Davis 1988: 1715). Davis' zombies were not truly reanimated dead bodies, but people put into a death-like coma. When the person regained consciousness they were made to be slaves in remote villages.
However here we are concerned with real zombies, reanimated bodies of the recent dead who are driven by an urge to consume living people, in turn, creating more zombies. The idea that zombies are supernatural beings needs to be discarded. They are not the Spawn of Hell, although, they certainly look the part. They are, or were, people who were infected by the Solanum virus. The virus creates a zombie by eating away the frontal lobe of the brain for replication, thus destroying it. The virus mutates the brain and allows the brain to remain alive but dormant and without the need for oxygen. Once the mutation is complete, approximately 23 hours from infection to fully functioning zombie, the ghoul will be on the unending search for living human flesh, thus spreading the infection (Brooks 2003: 2).
What to do in the event of an outbreak
While the history of the Hierakonpolis outbreak (or outbreaks) is certainly educational, it provides us with enough information to know that the potential exists for another one. Great care must be taken during any tomb excavation and when dealing with human remains. A little mummy dust in an open wound or scratch could have you driving the Devil's Cadillac in the fast lane all the way to Zombie-town.
Assuming the virus is unleashed, your first thought might be that you will be dealing with throngs of the ancient Egyptians. This is not the problem. Remember, that Solanum does not reanimate the already dead, it kills living beings and reanimates them into flesh eaters. The threat will therefore come from local population centers, and most likely the Hierakonpolis team itself.
There are two ways to stop a zombie. The first is simply to wait out the outbreak for a number of years until the living dead have decomposed to a level that they no longer present a threat. The second is the head shot. You have to disconnect what is left of the brain from the body. Given the tools on hand at Hierakonpolis this will likely be done with trowels (Marshalltown recommended), but shovels have also been shown to be effective.
Almost certainly the first sign of infection will come from the Hierakonpolis team. I would surmise that the most likely hosts will be physical anthropologists working in the lab environment due to their continued exposure to human remains and that good old fashioned "mummy dust" we are all familiar with. The unfortunate side effect of the infection starting within this specialized group of researchers is that they are generally the least squeamish about decapitation duty. I know for a fact that Sean Dougherty, a physical anthropologist with extensive experience at the site, wouldn't hesitate to lop off the head of any member of the team at any time, and for any reason. As morbid and disturbing as it sounds, guys like Sean can be a real asset in this type of situation.
However, should these experts be unavailable, or have already succumbed, it might be time to consider barricades. The Hoffman House has a number of rooms that could easily be secured against zombie intrusion. Just make sure the room is ghoul-free prior to barricading yourself in it. Treat the outbreak as you would any other natural disaster. Have a contingency plan for food, water, and other necessities, and be prepared to be self sufficient. The fact that the Hoffman House has an existing wall around it with a locking metal gate, a water system, solar power, fruit-bearing trees, and a vegetable garden, puts you in a great position to survive. In fact, the house is situated so well, tactically speaking, it is hard to imagine that the original architect was unaware of the potential of the house as a defensive position in the event that the dead would rise again.
This may seem absurd, but you won't think its funny when you are feasting on the corpses of your friends and fellow researchers, in fact, you won't be thinking at
Boffins create zombie dogs
SCIENTISTS have created eerie zombie dogs, reanimating the canines after several hours of clinical death in attempts to develop suspended animation for humans.
US scientists have succeeded in reviving the dogs after three hours of clinical death, paving the way for trials on humans within years.
Pittsburgh's Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research has developed a technique in which subject's veins are drained of blood and filled with an ice-cold salt solution.
The animals are considered scientifically dead, as they stop breathing and have no heartbeat or brain activity.
But three hours later, their blood is replaced and the zombie dogs are brought back to life with an electric shock.
Plans to test the technique on humans should be realised within a year, according to the Safar Centre.
However rather than sending people to sleep for years, then bringing them back to life to benefit from medical advances, the boffins would be happy to keep people in this state for just a few hours,
But even this should be enough to save lives such as battlefield casualties and victims of stabbings or gunshot wounds, who have suffered huge blood loss.
During the procedure blood is replaced with saline solution at a few degrees above zero. The dogs' body temperature drops to only 7C, compared with the usual 37C, inducing a state of hypothermia before death.
Although the animals are clinically dead, their tissues and organs are perfectly preserved.
Damaged blood vessels and tissues can then be repaired via surgery. The dogs are brought back to life by returning the blood to their bodies,giving them 100 per cent oxygen and applying electric shocks to restart their hearts.
Tests show they are perfectly normal, with no brain damage.
"The results are stunning. I think in 10 years we will be able to prevent death in a certain segment of those using this technology," said one US battlefield doctor.
OHIO
Agent/Witness: Goa Falconis
Base: Near Galion, Ohio
Date/Time: June 7, 2005/1300 hours
Incident: In the woods outside of my town my friend and I found a rotting corpse. Upon investigating it we found that it had been chewed on and had what appeared to be human tooth marks on it. As we were leaving, we were attacked by a man covered in blood. When we first saw him he stopped and looked at us. He tilted his head upward like he was sniffing. He looked around wildly and started shaking or twitching, and then he made a weird growling noise and after that we ran.
We didn't look back until we were across the creek. When we turned around he was still on the other side. He made the growling noise again and then turned and headed back toward the body we had found. I think he then returned to eating the body after that but we didn't stay long enough to find out.
We almost didn't return but we felt we had to investigate. We returned two days later and found the body gone, with no trace left that anything had happened.
I don't know if it ran or shuffled; I was to busy running for my life. As for the decomposition, it looked like a dying person would look. Its clothes were ripped and its flesh looked like it was kind of peeling or something. I don't know were the source came from yet we are still investigating. -Goa F
e-mail: goafalconis@yahoo.com
Comments from Dr. Pecos: There's three possibilities here: you stumbled upon a zombie, you interrupted a cannibal, or you're making the whole thing up. The detail that has me leaning toward the latter is your observation that the corpse was rotting, but the apparent zombie was covered in blood. In any case, I shall forward this to my people in Ohio for further review.
NEW MEXICO
Agent/Witness: Derek E.
Base: Bloomfield, New Mexico
Date/Time: September 19, 2005
Incident: Dr. Pecos, I need your help. In my town I have seen a large pack of hounds running through the alley behind my house. I have information that these hounds are related to the large numbers of corpses turning up in our area. Several of my contacts and I have banded together and are going on a covert hound extermination operation and I need your help regarding the proper dispatching of these hellish beasts. We are in an isolated tri county area and I have seen several black vans parked around the area where these corpses are turning up and I am curious as to whether or not these are the same vans that Santa Rosa is using to transport samples without attracting attention. I smell a conspiracy here, and I think that Santa Rosa is using our County for an experimental outbreak. HAVE THEY NO SOULS?
But to the main point, what do you advise we do here in my city to defend ourselves? Because time may be running out.
Derek E.
Guerilla Zombie Extermination Corp, GZECComments from Dr. Pecos: Dogs infected with the zombie virus are difficult to distinguish from rabid dogs. They will foam at the mouth, behave aggressively and display an unquenchable thirst. While Santa Rosa could end up being the origin of an outbreak, it would not likely be propagated through infected dogs. So I'd say you either have a pack of feral dogs on your hands or a vivid imagination.
Agent/Witness: Damien Corbus
Base: Las Vegas, Nevada
Date/Time: 12/15/04, 1130 hours
Incident: We all know that we are beset on all sides by wicked things but today I saw something that no man should ever see.
It was late in the morning when I went out to check the mail. On my way to my mailbox I was approached by what I initially thought was my friend from across the street but upon a closer inspection turned out to be a zombie. We locked eyes, he drooled and I raised the axe that I alway carry with me (kinda like the dwarf in Lord of the Rings). Once that zombie saw my axe it went off, ripping and biting at me like a rabid dog. I fixed his rack by hacking off his left arm and then his right, but this hellhound kept coming after me so I fell back in to my house where I found my boomstick (an AK47 with a 30-round clip of tank-stopping power). I then stepped out and shredded his undead ass.
Long story short: that is one less zombie in Las Vegas, Nevada, and one happy dude with a big smoking gun.
Weighing the evidence for and dating of Solanum virus outbreaks in early Egypt
With the records available to us (Mr. Brooks obviously has access to others), the British dig can be identified as that conducted by Mssr. Somers Clarke and J.J. Tylor, during which they cleared the decorated tombs of Ny-ankh-pepy (Old Kingdom and Middle Kingdom) and Horemkhawef (Second Intermediate Period) on Old Kingdom hill. The notes of Tylor are lost to us, but Clarke's are preserved in the Griffith Institute, Oxford. Unusually cryptic in his discussion, he makes no mention of such a momentous discovery. Thus we can only infer that the tomb in question is one of those in the adjoining courtyard, and just a short distance from the underground chamber we examined in 2006 (see Hierakonpolis 2006: Adventures Underground). The tomb in question may indeed be the one we use a cozy and sheltered spot to take our lunch while working on the Fort, as its plastered, but unpainted walls are indeed covered with innumerable scratch marks that defy photography. If is the case, we might quibble--purely for the sake of scientific accuracy--that the 3000 B.C. date ascribed for the attack should be revised downward to the Old Kingdom, but its premier historical position remains unaffected. [Editor's note: this proposed re-dating, if accepted, necessitates a revision of Brooks's zombie-attack timeline.]
While currently this might seem a speculative theory for state formation, the fine preservation of the brains rattling around in the skulls of some of the cut folks does provide the potential for scientific verification. We are currently seeking funding for a major research project to determine if remnants of the virus can be distilled from the preserved brain matter and, of course, more importantly, whether this virus is still viable. If so, it may allow for a vaccination to be developed so that this scourge, which seems to have threatened mankind for even longer than we previously imagined, can finally be put to rest.
Little is known about how long the virus can lay dormant, thus it is possible that another outbreak could occur at any time--given its history, especially at Hierakonpolis. With this potential in mind, we asked Tom Flanigan, zombie eradication expert for the U.S. Forestry Service, to draw up a contingency plan for us--see his report below. However, we stress that nothing amiss has been observed during any of our recent excavations (though the number of missing heads is a bit curious).
Solanum Outbreak Contingency Plan
When we think of zombies, our thoughts turn to the ghouls from Hollywood movies. Some of us with a background in anthropology may first think of Wade Davis' groundbreaking work in Haiti. Davis purported to discover that zombies were indeed real, and were the work of "Bokor" Voodoo sorcerers using a powder derived from fish toxins called poud zombie (Davis 1988: 1715). Davis' zombies were not truly reanimated dead bodies, but people put into a death-like coma. When the person regained consciousness they were made to be slaves in remote villages.
However here we are concerned with real zombies, reanimated bodies of the recent dead who are driven by an urge to consume living people, in turn, creating more zombies. The idea that zombies are supernatural beings needs to be discarded. They are not the Spawn of Hell, although, they certainly look the part. They are, or were, people who were infected by the Solanum virus. The virus creates a zombie by eating away the frontal lobe of the brain for replication, thus destroying it. The virus mutates the brain and allows the brain to remain alive but dormant and without the need for oxygen. Once the mutation is complete, approximately 23 hours from infection to fully functioning zombie, the ghoul will be on the unending search for living human flesh, thus spreading the infection (Brooks 2003: 2).
What to do in the event of an outbreak
While the history of the Hierakonpolis outbreak (or outbreaks) is certainly educational, it provides us with enough information to know that the potential exists for another one. Great care must be taken during any tomb excavation and when dealing with human remains. A little mummy dust in an open wound or scratch could have you driving the Devil's Cadillac in the fast lane all the way to Zombie-town.
Assuming the virus is unleashed, your first thought might be that you will be dealing with throngs of the ancient Egyptians. This is not the problem. Remember, that Solanum does not reanimate the already dead, it kills living beings and reanimates them into flesh eaters. The threat will therefore come from local population centers, and most likely the Hierakonpolis team itself.
There are two ways to stop a zombie. The first is simply to wait out the outbreak for a number of years until the living dead have decomposed to a level that they no longer present a threat. The second is the head shot. You have to disconnect what is left of the brain from the body. Given the tools on hand at Hierakonpolis this will likely be done with trowels (Marshalltown recommended), but shovels have also been shown to be effective.
Almost certainly the first sign of infection will come from the Hierakonpolis team. I would surmise that the most likely hosts will be physical anthropologists working in the lab environment due to their continued exposure to human remains and that good old fashioned "mummy dust" we are all familiar with. The unfortunate side effect of the infection starting within this specialized group of researchers is that they are generally the least squeamish about decapitation duty. I know for a fact that Sean Dougherty, a physical anthropologist with extensive experience at the site, wouldn't hesitate to lop off the head of any member of the team at any time, and for any reason. As morbid and disturbing as it sounds, guys like Sean can be a real asset in this type of situation.
However, should these experts be unavailable, or have already succumbed, it might be time to consider barricades. The Hoffman House has a number of rooms that could easily be secured against zombie intrusion. Just make sure the room is ghoul-free prior to barricading yourself in it. Treat the outbreak as you would any other natural disaster. Have a contingency plan for food, water, and other necessities, and be prepared to be self sufficient. The fact that the Hoffman House has an existing wall around it with a locking metal gate, a water system, solar power, fruit-bearing trees, and a vegetable garden, puts you in a great position to survive. In fact, the house is situated so well, tactically speaking, it is hard to imagine that the original architect was unaware of the potential of the house as a defensive position in the event that the dead would rise again.
This may seem absurd, but you won't think its funny when you are feasting on the corpses of your friends and fellow researchers, in fact, you won't be thinking at
Boffins create zombie dogs
SCIENTISTS have created eerie zombie dogs, reanimating the canines after several hours of clinical death in attempts to develop suspended animation for humans.
US scientists have succeeded in reviving the dogs after three hours of clinical death, paving the way for trials on humans within years.
Pittsburgh's Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research has developed a technique in which subject's veins are drained of blood and filled with an ice-cold salt solution.
The animals are considered scientifically dead, as they stop breathing and have no heartbeat or brain activity.
But three hours later, their blood is replaced and the zombie dogs are brought back to life with an electric shock.
Plans to test the technique on humans should be realised within a year, according to the Safar Centre.
However rather than sending people to sleep for years, then bringing them back to life to benefit from medical advances, the boffins would be happy to keep people in this state for just a few hours,
But even this should be enough to save lives such as battlefield casualties and victims of stabbings or gunshot wounds, who have suffered huge blood loss.
During the procedure blood is replaced with saline solution at a few degrees above zero. The dogs' body temperature drops to only 7C, compared with the usual 37C, inducing a state of hypothermia before death.
Although the animals are clinically dead, their tissues and organs are perfectly preserved.
Damaged blood vessels and tissues can then be repaired via surgery. The dogs are brought back to life by returning the blood to their bodies,giving them 100 per cent oxygen and applying electric shocks to restart their hearts.
Tests show they are perfectly normal, with no brain damage.
"The results are stunning. I think in 10 years we will be able to prevent death in a certain segment of those using this technology," said one US battlefield doctor.
OHIO
Agent/Witness: Goa Falconis
Base: Near Galion, Ohio
Date/Time: June 7, 2005/1300 hours
Incident: In the woods outside of my town my friend and I found a rotting corpse. Upon investigating it we found that it had been chewed on and had what appeared to be human tooth marks on it. As we were leaving, we were attacked by a man covered in blood. When we first saw him he stopped and looked at us. He tilted his head upward like he was sniffing. He looked around wildly and started shaking or twitching, and then he made a weird growling noise and after that we ran.
We didn't look back until we were across the creek. When we turned around he was still on the other side. He made the growling noise again and then turned and headed back toward the body we had found. I think he then returned to eating the body after that but we didn't stay long enough to find out.
We almost didn't return but we felt we had to investigate. We returned two days later and found the body gone, with no trace left that anything had happened.
I don't know if it ran or shuffled; I was to busy running for my life. As for the decomposition, it looked like a dying person would look. Its clothes were ripped and its flesh looked like it was kind of peeling or something. I don't know were the source came from yet we are still investigating. -Goa F
e-mail: goafalconis@yahoo.com
Comments from Dr. Pecos: There's three possibilities here: you stumbled upon a zombie, you interrupted a cannibal, or you're making the whole thing up. The detail that has me leaning toward the latter is your observation that the corpse was rotting, but the apparent zombie was covered in blood. In any case, I shall forward this to my people in Ohio for further review.
NEW MEXICO
Agent/Witness: Derek E.
Base: Bloomfield, New Mexico
Date/Time: September 19, 2005
Incident: Dr. Pecos, I need your help. In my town I have seen a large pack of hounds running through the alley behind my house. I have information that these hounds are related to the large numbers of corpses turning up in our area. Several of my contacts and I have banded together and are going on a covert hound extermination operation and I need your help regarding the proper dispatching of these hellish beasts. We are in an isolated tri county area and I have seen several black vans parked around the area where these corpses are turning up and I am curious as to whether or not these are the same vans that Santa Rosa is using to transport samples without attracting attention. I smell a conspiracy here, and I think that Santa Rosa is using our County for an experimental outbreak. HAVE THEY NO SOULS?
But to the main point, what do you advise we do here in my city to defend ourselves? Because time may be running out.
Derek E.
Guerilla Zombie Extermination Corp, GZECComments from Dr. Pecos: Dogs infected with the zombie virus are difficult to distinguish from rabid dogs. They will foam at the mouth, behave aggressively and display an unquenchable thirst. While Santa Rosa could end up being the origin of an outbreak, it would not likely be propagated through infected dogs. So I'd say you either have a pack of feral dogs on your hands or a vivid imagination.
Agent/Witness: Damien Corbus
Base: Las Vegas, Nevada
Date/Time: 12/15/04, 1130 hours
Incident: We all know that we are beset on all sides by wicked things but today I saw something that no man should ever see.
It was late in the morning when I went out to check the mail. On my way to my mailbox I was approached by what I initially thought was my friend from across the street but upon a closer inspection turned out to be a zombie. We locked eyes, he drooled and I raised the axe that I alway carry with me (kinda like the dwarf in Lord of the Rings). Once that zombie saw my axe it went off, ripping and biting at me like a rabid dog. I fixed his rack by hacking off his left arm and then his right, but this hellhound kept coming after me so I fell back in to my house where I found my boomstick (an AK47 with a 30-round clip of tank-stopping power). I then stepped out and shredded his undead ass.
Long story short: that is one less zombie in Las Vegas, Nevada, and one happy dude with a big smoking gun.
Tags: http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/hierakonpolis/zombies.html
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