DO ZOMBIE'S MOAN? IF SO, HOW?

It’s widely accepted that Zombies can’t speak, because their limited brain function doesn’t allow for complex thoughts. However, watch almost any Zombie movie made in the past 50 years, and you’ll hear them moaning up a storm. Very scary on the big screen, but are real Zombies are able to make primitive utterances? And if so, how? A theory put forth by Gregory Pickman, Associate Researcher at ZRS, may hold the answer.

Pickman suggests that the Zombies are able to make noise for one simple reason: they breathe. Because a Zombie is technically dead, it doesn’t need to take in oxygen to continue “living”. Therefore a Zombie could hold his breath for any numbers of hours or days, allowing it to do things like walk under water, and function without lungs or a wind pipe. But Pickman argues that breathing serves two important functions for Zombie survival: 1) It substantially slows the speed of decay, by keeping the body tissues somewhat oxygenated, and 2) it allows the pre and post rigor Zombie to move a greater speeds, approximating human adulatory velocity. The moaning, then, is just a biproduct of a less-than-perfect resperatory system trying to do its job.

The bold idea has met with considerable resistance at ZRS, but I have yet to hear a solid argument debunking Pickman’s theory altogether.

What do you think?

(you can also answer at my blog: http://zombieresearch.wordpress.com/)