I am the most violent hippie, ever.
I guess theres not too much to say. The zombies came, they saw, and they're still conquering the Burgh. How and when exactly it all began, I'm not sure. Mostly because I was...err...inebriated. I suppose last night was when everything changed. Or, when the change started to take effect. This morning, it's a different world. Funny that the smokers have become the survivors. It am left with my roommate and kitten in our derelict apartment building...complete with a busted front door on the ground level (at the moment, it's buttressed). So far, we've only encountered one zombie- our upstairs neighbor. I dispatched of her last night- albeit slowly- with a metal baseball bat. I'm not sure how or when she turned, but by 2 AM she was a full fledged zombie, stumbling around my building. I swear it must have taken at least 15 blows to her dome to stop her from kicking and writhing on the floor. Further...there's something about throwing a bludgeoned zombie carcass off of a roof that is almost- entertaining. Much less entertaining was cleaning up all the gooey bits my dear neighbor had left behind. On the bright side, my own lifelong zombie obsession had driven me to stockpile food and some supplies in the building over the years and our roof access allows us to collect water. So- at least we are surviving. For the most part we are hiding out in our psychedelic apartment; watching, waiting for some opportunity to do something. Nevertheless, our spirits are higher than I would have thought they would be. I must say, from this side of the apocalypse, I would take this over normal life in Pittsburgh any day.
I awoke this morning (okay, okay early afternoon) to the sound of a moaning, stinking flesh eater stumbling around my first floor entrance. Of course, this was completely my fault, the buttresses weren't super-secure; and this building is ancient. Maybe I slacked off a little. It happens. Luckily, were living up on the third floor, beyond two rickety stairwells. Even luckier, zombies can't go up stairs...or at least any farther than they can face-plant. I've thought of disabling the lower stairs, but I can't help to think that I might regret it later on. We shall see.
So, of course, the zombie had to be destroyed, and quietly. It only took five quick blows. I'm getting better at this- either that, or this guy is gooier than my neighbor was. After crushing his skull with my now-dented metal bat, I rolled him out the door. All clear, for now. I can't tell how many of them are out there; but does it really matter? This district, Oakland, is silent. It's funny, really. There was a time when I wished for silence. This used to be a college town and a health care hub. The bars, the restaurants, the hospitals are all still now. This silence, this disease, has changed this place. The jovial revelry and the everlasting sirens have evolved into the random, blood curdling shrieks of the dying and the dry, raspy moans of the dead. I don't know about the rest of the city, but our district is overtaken...or at the very least, quite screwed.
After disposing of zombie carcass number 2, I decided to reinforce my failed front-door barricade. But with what? I mean, we all say were prepared for a zombie attack, but what is 'prepared'? I certainly didn't have 2 x 4s stockpiled in my tiny apartment. I didn't even think of it. Thank god I managed to think of food and water. And I needed to find something fast- all the hustle and bustle caused by my early morning intruder had drawn unwanted attention to my building. I had hoped the frantic, displaced 'survivors' in the streets would serve as ample distraction. They didn't. I hate zombies.
"KATY!" I screamed up to my roommate. "Get down here! I need some help with this....what...you can't just sit on your ass and let the apocalypse in the front door! Now they're going to get in and bite us...and believe me if I get bitten, your ass will be the first on my shit list."
About 2 excruciatingly long minutes later, Katy came fumbling down the stairs juggling her ever-useful hot-pink hammer and a box of nails. "Sorry dude...I had to feed Piper."
"Yeah well I'm about to feed some zombies down here...now bust a move!"
"Yeah Yeah I'm coming..."
BANG....I turned around to see a bloody, groaning zombie face plastered up against the eye-level window on the front door. It didn't even seem human....granted it had one eyeball hanging out of the socket and a giant chunk bitten out from its once-human visage. Yet the gore wasn't horrifying...what was horrifying was its empty, endless, pure black staring eye and the fierce gnawing and gnashing of its jaws. I swore I could see its teeth crumbling from the sheer force of the repetitive movement.
"Allie...ALLIE! Stop staring at it and hold the door." Katy's screams jolted me back to reality. Hah, I thought to myself, what an inappropriate time to zone out.
With a few railing pieces, the front-door was secure. For now. I didn't want to overdo it....I might have to get out there someday.
"So what do we do now?" Katy asked as she wiped the sweat from her brow, "Do we just...uh...wait?"
"For what the zombie-freedom fairy?" I retorted, true, she didn't deserve a snarky comment-- but hey, this is the end of the world.
"Well then, smart-ass, whats the plan?"
"I don't know, dude, let's go smoke."
"Were going to run out."
"Yeah well...were going to run out of everything eventually."
Back upstairs. Finally some peace. Well, for the moment. Enough time to jot down my story thus far. It has only been a day and a half. It feels like a lifetime. But here we are, up to speed....just two hippies and a cat in the middle of an apocalypse we don't understand.
"What are we going to do when we run out, again?" Katy turns to me and asks, in truth I share her concern. What would we do? Where will we go?
"We'll figure something out, for now let's enjoy what we have."
"I can't enjoy anything with this noise." She had a point. They had gotten louder- as if someone had turned up the zombie-volume. But I knew that wasn't the case...there were just more of them now. Their groans rising from street level form the most macabre melody I have ever heard. And there are less screams now, a sure sign that this blood feast is far from over. The hunt had only just begun. I found myself thinking about all my friends. Some of whom were zombies, I could feel it. But who? When? Could I have saved them? Probably not, but this is a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies.
"HEY! Puff this... and will you please turn on some music or something?" Katy asked.
"Well I don't know, do you think it would attract them here?"
"Oh what, as if they aren't making a shit-ton of noise on their own..."
"Good point, well what do you want to listen to then? Whats appropriate for this situation?"
"I don't know, Allie, you're the music guru." Fair enough, I thought. But what to play? Ahh...that's it.
"Oh cute dude...the Grateful Dead."
"Hey man, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." What a ridiculous thing to say...I'd been beating them all morning.
As the smoke started to clear, I finally felt at peace, if only for a moment. The screeching of tires could be heard over the Dead-- somewhere out there someone else was alive.
ding dong
"Uhh, was that our doorbell?" Katy asked as she turned to look at me. Her confused expression said it all.
"Yeah, that would be our doorbell. Should we answer it?"
"How about no, you ass, they're out there. There could be one on the doorstep hitting the button."
"Katy, zombies don't ring doorbells."
ding dong
"Dude!"
ding dong
"Katy I think there's someone down there, we have to go look."
"Ugh fine, but you're going down first."
"Fair enough." Instantly I grabbed my metal bat and ran down the stairs. I could see between the pieces of railing we had just hung, someone was out there.
"GUYS? ALLIE.....KATY.....IS THAT YOU?" I knew that voice....
"Oh my God....its Stacy!! Quick pull down the barrier! Now!.....STACY!! If you can hear me, hang tight! We have to get this barrier down!"
"Hurry up you guys, they're coming!" I could hear the terror in her strained voice. The moaning of the dead was getting louder- they had spotted her, and they were shuffling and swaying towards her.
"I can't get these things to budge." Katy said as she pried and pulled at the pieces of wood. Without hesitation I started swinging my bat at the door.
"HURRY GUYS!! OH MY GOD PLEASE HURRY!" The wood began to splinter and fall as I pounded at the door, I could see clearly through the windows now. Stacy had pulled her Subaru up the the front stoop of the house, effectively blocking our front doorway. But the zombies had come, and they were clawing and slapping at the top and side of her car. I could hear the shattering of one of the windows. One particularly adept zombie had begun to throw itself over the hood. I kept swinging.
"GUYS!" The zombie was on top of the car at this point, and Stacy was cornered as it began to advance.
SLAM
We ripped the door open, it nearly fell off of it's rusty hinges as it swung to hit the wall.
"Get her inside!" Stacy bent down to grab something she had brought as Katy feverishly grabbed and pulled at her clothes. I could see now that it was her cat, Diana, in her carrier. Finally, Katy had gotten ahold of Stacy's shirt and was pulling her into the door. At the same moment, the overzealous zombie reached for Stacy.
"Oh hell no!" I screamed as the human tug-of-war ensued. Katy threw Diana and her crate into our building with one swift motion, then grabbed Stacy by both wrists. I jumped out the front door, and found myself staring into black, lifeless eyes for the second time today. It let go of Stacy and reached out for me. It's lifeless fingers brushed my arm as I swung and made full contact with it's face. It stumbled only few steps backwards. I took a step forward and took another swing. Maybe it was adrenaline or just dumb luck, but I hit it-- dead on. The zombie flew back onto the hood of the car and rolled back into the street. My shirt tightened as Katy grabbed my collar from behind and pulled me back in the door.
"Sorry guys-" Stacy said, "but the phones are down and I knew you guys would be here, so I figured....what the hell...I'll stop and say hello." I grabbed her and hugged her.
"I'm so glad you're made it here alright. It didn't scratch you, did it?"
"No, what about you?"
"No, it brushed my arm, but it didn't break the skin. The son of a bitch was freezing cold."
"Well duh!" Katy retorted, "That son of a bitch is dead."
"Umm...I believe the term is undead." I said with a smirk.
"Whatever," Katy said, "Hey Stacy, wanna go take Diana upstairs and bring down my hammer and nails? They're on the coffee table."
"Sure thing man," Stacy said as she began to climb the stairs.
"How ridiculous was that?" I asked jokingly as I turned to Katy.
"Dude you totally unleashed on the zombie, that was intense. I think you shattered it's skull." She leaned back onto the door and looked at me. I tried to hide my smile...I totally did just destroy that thing's world, "Oh and I see that shit-eating grin on your face...don't try to hide it."
"Well, it shouldn't have tried to bite me." I began collecting more scrap wood as Stacy came down the stars- pink hammer and nails in hand.
"So....uh....are you guys smoking?" Stacy asked in a sarcastically innocent tone. Alll we could do was laugh.
"I bet you could use a good smoke after that ordeal, Stacy..." I said with a chuckle.
"Does a zombie want brains?" Stacy smirked.
"I'm going to go with a yes..." I replied.
"Uh...make that a hell yes." She laughed.
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