My Zombie Plan, edition 1
There are key ideas, then there are plans.
The key ideas are the most important. They are-
and if all else fails...
I couldn't do all of these... some are more important, some are far-off ideas. Let's talk one at a time.
First thing's first. Nothing's going to happen if I can't get a zombie off of me. If I'm in a hurry, grab the largest, swingable thing I can find and ship off. If I've got time, I'd locate a bat, a 2x4, and if at all possible, a gun. I could find a bat in my house, but nothing much else. Weapon-wise, generally there are:
-light weapons (bottles, pieces of metal)
-middle-weight weapons (baseball bats, 2x4s, metal rods)
-heavy weapons (briefcases, TV's)
-shanks (cut hangers, kitchen knives)
-Firearms (guns, guns, guns)
light weapons are good for a quick escape. heavy weapons are for bigger zombies, or if I'm in a tight spot. Shanks are ok, but you'd need a good one. Firearms are variant, pistols won't do much good, shotguns help, machine-guns are the best. As for me, 2 or 3 middle-weight weapons will let me survive longer than anything else. A hard swing will knock a zombie on it's ass, and I can hit it while it's down, or run. I'd grab whatever I could find, and if I found something better, I'd lose the old weapon and carry the new one. Like a twisted Role-playing game, only real.
Hugely important!! If Left 4 Dead, Shaun of the Dead, and 28 days later have taught me anything, it's that Teamwork is the key for every situation... especially a zombie invasion. With teammates,
-I've got less zombies on me
-I've got more room to carry things
-I've got a reason to stay sane and not kill myself
Teamwork is hugely important. As horrible as this sounds, I don't mean it that way... but there are less zombies on me. The same number of zombies are coming, but this way I don't have to focus on killing all of them. The teammates will kill their fair share, and if they don't, they're not extremely useful. Sure, a lawyer might help if I wanted to sue the zombies for ruining my car, but if he can't hold a gun, we won't be able to get to the courthouse. heheheh, that was kind of funny.
Ok, I'm out of my house. I've got 3 people behind me. We've got nothing on us except a few weapons, maybe a candy bar. speaking of which, I'm hungry, I'll be right back. Ok, I'm back. Where was I? Oh, right. surrounded by zombies, outside my house, holding a baseball bat. What to do? I need to find a place somewhere to hide with my fellow survivors. Now, as any travel agent would tell you, Location, Location, Location! The best place to hide would:
-have one and only one entrance available to the zombies
-have a roof, unreachable by zombies
-Have running water
-Various supplies (I'll cover that later)
How would I get there? It really depends. I can't drive yet, but if I was being chased by zombies and I was hiding in a car, a guarantee my genius mind would scream at me that I could figure it out on my own. The best place possible would most likely be a superstore, like a Walmart or a Target. Either way, if there's one door and 4 walls, it'll do.
Now, whatever building we're in, it's no good to me, unless it keeps zombies out. If The Mist has taught us anything, it's that a glass door, while better than an empty space, will not keep out a horde of hungry, brain-dead zombies. Or, crazy monsters. Either way, stephen king is a loony. Back to the Zombies! To keep out the zombies, we'd need a barricade. Not just any barricade, though. This barricade would:
-need to allow some way of enter/exit, through difficult procedure
-need to have various sized holes
-Have spikes, if possible
-Fire would be a nice touch. Nah, too difficult.
Here's the thing... We'd want to lock ourselves in, but if anything ever happened and we'd need to get out, We would be stuck if we couldn't. If we needed supplies, or heard a survivor outside, we would need to remove the barricade to get through... that's why we would use a special barricade. Of course, the second we get to the location, we'd make a simple barricade to fend off the zombies, but eventually, once we were settled into our fortress, we'd develop a more elaborate barricade.
The barricade could only be opened by a procedure. If it could be opened by sheer force, well that defeats the purpose of it, dosen't it? But with a procedure unlocking the barricade, the zombies couldn't figure it out! almost like an un-breakable lock... Maybe, it would have a slab of metal, which we could pull up from the inside using a pulley, leading to a small room with a rope ladder, that ends halfway up, so you could grab a different rope ladder on the other side... something easy to do, that a brain-dead monkey couldn't figure out.
Here's the important part, though. What good is a barricade if we didn't know what was out there? well, a lot of good, but we'd still need to see. We could use a small hole towards the top of the barricade, so we could hear and see the outside world. That way, if zombies were outside slowly breaking our incredible barricade, we could shoot them before they got the chance to destroy it to rubble. This would only work with firearms, or a shank-on-a-stick... that would be cool. We'd be like Spartans! Mostly though, as long as the barricade is strong, it should be fine. Spikes and barbed wire would be hard to set up, but it would certainly help.
What good is escaping a zombie horde and being safe, if I'm going to starve to death? Wherever I go, wherever I hide, it's no good unless it has or is very near a food source, or a huge supply of food. Where's the perfect place to hide? a Walmart. It's got food a food supply that would last, maybe months, it's got running water, which will probably last at least a year before the water stops flowing (due to lack of service), it's got clothes if we needed, it's got all sorts of medicines, appliances for our needs, bathrooms... Honestly, I couldn't think of a better place. The bad part is, I live in New Jersey, and the Walmart near me doesn't sell guns or Aerosoft or paintball guns. If any walmarts do sell those, they'd be perfect. well, maybe not the paintball... a good shot with an aerosoft gun might do some damage, but we'd definitely need to leave our post for a bit to find firearms if we needed them. But Walmart's got a sports section, we could arm ourselves with some bats, etc.
in other words, escape. It really depends, though. I mean, if it were a realistic zombie apocalypse, there'd be SOMEWHERE in the world that would be safe... Most likely an island somewhere. Escape is the least realistic of all these ideas, because there'd be millions of others, and the best thing to do would be to sit tight in our fortress, listen to the news, nibble on some spongecake, watch the sun bake, and wait for the zombies to starve to death... hoping for the army to knock on our barricade and hear the blessed words, "Hello? Are there any survivors?"
The thing is, if it were a TRUE zombie apocalypse, and the whole world were taken over... well, it'd be the same basic deal. Escape, of course, would be out of the question, unless we actually did run out of supplies... then we'd migrate to another walmart or target, start the cycle all over again. Wait for the world to be taken over, let the zombies starve, wait months until we know it's safe, come outside to a new, torn society. Call mum, see a therapist. A live one, preferably.
Now, here's the sad part. If any of this didn't work, well, what would I do? Whenever anybody asks the middle-school conversation-starter question, "How do you want to die?" I'd always say... "well, I know how I DON'T want to die... zombies."
I mean, #1, If I was in our walmart-based fortress, and I was stuck their to starve to death, that would basically suck. and #2, if I wasn't safe, I would NOT want to get killed by zombies. I mean, even if I wanted to die, I wouldn't give myself to THEM. Just think...
a) It's embarrassing... "How did you die?" damn zombies got me.
b) It's scary as hell
c) It's sad... there's nothing left of you to mourn
d) Can you imagine how painful it would be? They chew your neck. your NECK! That's a hell of a hicky!
If I knew I was screwed, well, the only way out would be killing myself, and as sad as it is, it's a hell of a lot better than the zombies attacking me, right?