Patricia Gegg's Page

Judgemental faces stare with hurtful gazes
I feel their eyes scanning my life
Poking and prodding, heads shaking and nodding
Whispering in the low lights
But even in darkness I hear voices, careless
Spilling assumptions and grins
Convinced of themselves that I'm just a sad shell
Of a woman that once lived within
Though remaining benign, shooting factitious smiles
I notice disquieted tones
So serpentine, I'm not blind to the scene
In their crowd I stand ravished to bone
They'd send me to gallows, inorganic and shallow
Not learning one thing of my past
I'm naked and blemished; inspirationally famished
But far from disastrous trash
I have a long story of my fights and my glories
Of moments when life was all mine
But perplexity danced in the palms of my hands
And these days I've been less survived
There's way more to me than this pitiful scene
Than this silent and blank faced mirage
Than this desolate frame of my head hung in shame
Than this destructive, delinquent collage
Surely they'd see I'm not all I could be
And believe me- I FEEL only half
Crawling out of a hole life dug straight to my soul
Still bathed in its grave aftermath
You laugh and make jokes of what you think I chose
But don't think this was ever my plan
I had dreams and beliefs of a life still not seen
And your rudeness lends less of a hand
I sift through the wreckage and all of my damage
Each day, each hour, each breath
Always ringing out pain from yesterday's rain
Battling worries as weighted as lead
Being deprived of the touch from my child
Is an absence so feeble and cruel
Not hearing his voice is the lonliest of noise
It's a nightmare I live through and through
So don't think for one day that I like it this way
And quit with your smirks and your sneers
I'd much rather be hugged than emotionally mugged
So please-take my hand, not my tears
Heavy hearts only stain fabrics soaking in pain
No need to pour salt in raw wounds
Embarassing me till' it's all my friends see
Is a song that has sung its last tune
Truth is, I am more than a girl weak or poor
I am more than this rut that I'm in
I'm a wonderful mother with a heart fierce as thunder
I'm a faith and a strength that won't quit
And I'll climb my way out of descent's hungered mouth
Trafficking hardship for power
Always hoarding away that resentment and blame
I'll make up for each time I fell, cowered
I will show these last years that I'm fighting back fierce
Been withdrawn in a labrynth of fear
Just want to alleviate all that self-suffocates
Breath into fresh atmosphere
But people like them bellyache to be shrude
Contaminate hard times much worse
Embellish my faults and all that's gone wrong
Just to gain a quick laugh at this curse
Been awhile since I've polished all that was once demolished
But remember what it feels like to shine
Don't believe in me, fine-my watch doesn't tell time
For those who don't care to know me
I'll come out of life's cage with a positive rage
And I'll end my life calamity
But don't think for once that I won't hold the grudge
They grew on me when I was low
These judgemental faces left permanent traces
Of make-believe friends and low blows
At the end of each day, you're the choices you made
And fuck those who ravage your hope.