Jim Merrill's Blog (8)

I posted the following on the recommendations board and wanted to extend the offer to kill zambie by the most creative means possible to the main written board.



8^)

Jim



"OK, back to your site after a two month hiatus... BTW, the site looks great, a lot easier to read. After being reinvigorated from the "movie" (you all know which one), I propose a Zombie Kill of the Month. I've held zambie hostage for about six, very sudoriferous months. I mean talk about a bummer at… Continue

Let me set the scene... It's about eighty degrees fahrenheit and the Tigers are on the radio playing KC. I'm BBQing wings and bratwursts and knocking a few balls through wickets. Zambie did a fine job on the lawn and coupled with the rain of late, I have a putting green in the making.



Soon, my daughter and her soon to be husband show up. That's fine, I am cooking don't you know. However, I notice that Jesse has a gas-mask, M16 and AK47...



Someone has been braking the first… Continue

OK... Got the damn car sold, not an easy task. You ever get into a car where there's a hint of BO? You know what I mean, you have to analyze the malodor in order to categorize it properly. I could see the prospective buyers doing just that as they eased into the car, this was no run-of-the-mill BO. It was zombie's revenge funk for farming him out for three for five ass beatings at the carnival. Anyway, closed.



Yes, I finished the back door too. Evey time I smacked my knuckles… Continue

So I'm sitting around watching "Natural Born Killers" and thinking about what Celler Rat (Cell for short) said in one of the replies... Hiring me to catch a zombie, shipping one, and generally making money with zombie... Hmmm, how can I make zombie work for me?



Little background: when I'm not doling out shellackings to zombie, I like to play croquet. It's spring time and it's been raining quite a bit, the backyard is lumpy and needs fertilizer. I turn to zombie.



Mental… Continue

I learned something today, once a limb is detached from zombie, the decomposition is severely accelerated. Zombie's severed leg at the hands of the carnies had to be dealt with immediately.



So what am I going to do? I have very limited options... There's a huge dog just kiddie-corner off my back yard. I could go back there pretending to work on the yard and nonchalantly toss zombie's leg over the fence. Hell, the mutt would probably enjoy it, maybe stop barking at me every time I get… Continue

Ok, my wife is pissed. I used her car to take zombie to the carnival. You'll recall I posted that I'm saving up money for a camera by offering three whacks with a shovel for five bucks.



Everything was cool getting there, I had zombie in the gimp trunk, in the trunk of her car. I've got dog mats down and everything!



There's not a big outbreak here really, hell, I had to get zombie from a couple hours north of where I live. I think he was just some Rotarian from Podunk… Continue

Well now... Seeing as the weather has broken and I've been out in the yard more, I'm getting a whiff of zombie wafting from the "gimp" trunk, in the garage. It was tolerable during the colder months, but this just will now do as Summer approaches.



WANTED: One large freezer at a reasonable price. Will ask in this forum first and then will move to Craig's list.



I don't really need to freeze zombie solid, just enough to fight the funk. Not looking to break any limbs… Continue

Now I know this is not a good idea, however, it can provide gales of laughter if done properly.



First, you have to immobilize the ghoul... I used a control stick, just like you would see the local animal control officer use. Once zombie was on the ground, you have to get a gag ball on him for obvious reasons. I prefer a red ball gag like the one used in Pulp Fiction.



Next, slip a couple oven mitts on each hand and tape them tight with duct tape.



At this point,… Continue