here r the first 3 chapters of my book. i hope you like it! plz post!

CHAPTER 1: THE LAB INCIDENT
Dr. Cliner and his assistant Eli, were working on a project called the "G-virus". No one knew exactly what it was or what it could do. Let alone what it could do if it touched human skin or animal fur. Dr. Cliner is a 57-year-old-man, so whenever he picks up anything, it shakes profusely. Whereas his assistant, Eli, is 32-years-old and has a steady hand, he has to because, before he lost his leg, he was in the military serving as a sniper, therefore whatever he picked up, it was as steady as a perfectly balanced scale.
The lab is usually spotless and completely sterile. On this particular day, however, after an incident involving a new girl, named Lara, who had dropped a vile of the G-virus onto the floor after it had slipped through her gloves and onto the floor. While she was gone to get something to clean up the mess, a rat had gotten in and licked up the liquid that is the G-virus.
The rat had been running through the town, someone had picked it up. The rat bit the man, thus the G-virus was born and was broke out.
CHAPTER 2: ABOUT LARA AND LEON
Lara Elizabeth Kennedy. A 23-year-old, well fit, bernette, British woman. At the age of 7 she lost her mother. They were on their way to Nepal in their private jet, when something went wrong with the engine on the left wing. Amelia, Lara's mother, grabbed her by the arm, put her in a seat, and strapped her in. Amelia sat in the seat directly in front of Lara.
''Close your eyes, darling.''
''I don't want to close my eyes.''
''WE'RE GOING FULL NOSE DOWN!!,'' screamed one of the pilots.
The plane crashed in the Himalayan mountains.
3 weeks later, Lara found a cave with a stone dais in the middle of the room with the sword, Excalibur, in it.
''Lara? Have you found anything for the fire?''
No response. Lara backed up into a large stone with carvings in it. The rock moved and Lara jumped. Lara went up to the stone dais in it and pushed the sword in the dais. A portal to the mythical city, Avolon, had opened.
''What?- No get back!''
''There's something in the light.''
''Stay here!''
There was a voice coming from the other side of the portal, but only Amelia could understand what it was saying.
''Who are you?...What? What about my daughter?...OH, GOD!! NOOO!!!!'' Amelia pulled out the sword and she disappeared.
''Mother?! MOTHER!!!,'' little Lara cried out.
When Lara was 12-years-old, her father, Richard, died of old age.
Since both her parents were dead, their butler, Winston, took care of her.
At the age 23, she is still trying to find Avolon, along with priceless ancient artifacts. She owns a lot of guns, which she uses when she goes on missions. She was a part of the British Military from the age of 19. She became a professional assassin at the age of 21. Now, she is married to Leon Dean Kennedy, both of them go on missions together and they have a lot in common.
Noe for information on Leon Dean Kennedy. He is a 25-year-old, light brown haired, masculine, very fit, Australian.
At the age of 6, Leon's mother, Faith, was murdered by the Australian Mafia. Forced to live with his abusive, father, Kyle, who has another son with another woman.
Leon's step-brother, Gordon, was about a half-a-foot taller than Leon, he would always bully and beat the crap out of
Leon. At the age of 13 Leon had joined the Australian Military, and had since been in love with the idea of having guns, and the thrill of shooting something. At the age of 18, Leon had become an assassin, (huh, just like Lara!), and a darn good one too! And then at the age of 21, Leon moved to Britain and joined the military, this is where Lara and him had met; funny thing was, was that Lara was his Captain. So if Leon had anything to say to, or about anyone, he had to refer to Captain Croft, Lara's maiden name, and she wasn't nice to him at all, to begin with, but whenever she was captured by the enemy and he saved her, that was a soft spot, so to speak. They kept getting closer and closer. Here's a little flashback on when Leon came to the British Military:
''ATTEN-HUT!!'' boomed Lara's voice through the barracks.
Everyone stood except one person... yep, you guessed it, Leon.
Lara walks up to his bunk and bends down, ''Are you deaf or just flat out stupid?''
Leon waited a few seconds before he spoke, ''Well, i don't take orders from a woman.''
Lara stood there in disbelif, as Leon was unpacking his bags and putting his things away. ''I don't think you have a choice. Now. i'm going to give you to the count of 3. By that time you had better be standing at the end of your bunk and at attention, or you will be in a world of pain. 1..''
Leon continued to unpack.
''2..''
Still unpacking.
''3..'' Lara grabs him by the arm. Leon gets ready to fight back. Lara puts one foot on behind Leon's, and uses her entire forearm and puts it across Leon's throat, throwing him to the ground.
Leon goes to get up, but Lara puts here size 9 1/2 combat boots on his chest and pushes him to back down.
Lara gets close to his face, ''The next time you want to do something stupid in MY barracks...you might want to rethink it!,'' she took her foot off his chest.
Leon slowly got up. 'I can't believe a woman brought me to the ground that easily,' he thought to him self as he watched her walk away.
''DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TO DISOBEY ME?!?!?!,'' Lara's voice was so strong at this point that it almost felt like it could have taken the walls off the barracks, ''I DIDN'T THINK SO!! NOW, ATTEN-HUT!!''
This time everyone stood at attention.
''HERE ARE YOUR SCHEDULES!! AT 0900, YOU WILL BE GOING TO THE MESS HALL, WHERE YOU WILL EAT YOUR BREAKFAST! FOR THE REST OF THE DAY...DO WHATEVER!!,'' Lara then saluted all the men in her barrack, ''DISMISSED!!''
And that was one of many fights and arguments they had.
After a while, Lara began to fall in love with Leon, and vise versa.
3 years later he asked her to marry him and she said yes.
That about sums it up for these two love birds, now lets get on with our story now that we know our two main characters.
CHAPTER 3: HOW THE VIRUS SPREAD THROUGH HUMANS.
''Charles, man, you don't look to good. Are you okay?,'' Daniel asked.
Charles was pale and losing color, not feeling well at his stomach and wanted flesh. ''Ugh... Man I don't know what's wrong with me...I don't feel right, Daniel.''
''What can I do to help you? Here, come in and I'll get you something to drink and a warm blanket.,'' Daniel had no clue what was wrong with his best friend, but he wanted to help.
As Charles took a step inside and fell.
''OH MY GOD!!'' Daniel went over to help him in. He picked Charles up and began to help him inside.
At that moment Daniels life was going to take a huge turn.
Charles lifted his head up, his eyes glazed over, as if blind. He took a bite into Daniels neck.
''What the heck? DUDE STOP! YOUR GONNA-'' Daniel tried to stop Charles but he took another bite, this time over Daniels throat. Daniel started to choke and gag on his on blood. Finally Daniel died, giving Charles a good meal for the evening.
Since the apartment door was still open, Charles was able to get out onto the streets.
Out on the streets where there are more people, Charles wondered around looking for slow people or hobos who were asleep on the ground, they were the easy targets for him. He got lucky, a hobo was asleep on the ground in a dark alley.
Charles walks up to the hobo and bends down to take a good chunk out of the mans bare skin.
At that moment the hobo awoke. ''Hey, man, go find you own change!''
Charles said nothing, but continued to lift the mans arm, his mouth gaping open.
''Hey! DO YOU HEAR ME!? LEAVE ME ALONE!!,'' shouted the hobo.
Charles took a bite out of the mans arm. He yanked back. Muscle and tissue shone brightly in the moonlit night.
''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! What is your problem, dude?,'' he shouted, ''OH MY GOD! MY ARM!! YOU TORE OPEN- LOOKIT! WIDE OPEN, YOU CAN SEE MY BONES AND MUSCLES!!'' The hobo got up and kicked Charles in the face. After he kicked him in the face, he started to head off toward the nearest hospital. Clutching his arm to his body.
''SOMEONE HELP ME!!!'' the man shouted.
Two nurses rushed to his aid. ''Sir, what happened?'' they asked.
''Some psycho bit me!,'' he said.
''Okay. We need a stretcher and an O.R. open Stat!,'' said the blonde nurse.
''Here! Get on and lay down. We will take you to an O.R. and start surgery. Are you allergic to anything or medication, that your aware of?,'' asked the red headed nurse.
''Umm.....AH! Hey! Easy! Anyways nothing that I know of. Listen, this guy didn't look right! His eyes were all glazed over and crap! I don't know what was wrong with him! And I don't know what he has either!''
''Was he blind?,'' asked the blonde.
''I DON'T KNOW!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE DUDE!! What part of that aren't you PEOPLE understanding!?''
''Sir you need to calm down. The angrier you get, the more blood you will be spewing on the floor and the less blood you will have in your body.''
''Fine!,'' the man agreed and began to calm down.
''I need you to page Dr. Goodman, please.,'' the red headed nurse asked the receptionist at the front desk.
''Dr. Goodman, you're needed for an emergency O.R. Dr. Goodman, emergency O.R.,'' the receptionists' voice rang throughout the hospital over the P.A. system.

15 minutes later, Dr. Goodman showed up in O.R. room number 13. ''Okay. So what's going on here?''
''A man bit his arm and tore a pretty good chunk off.,'' the blonde nurse told Dr. Goodman everything that he told them.
''We will have to do a skin graph in order to get more skin on your forearm. That might take a few hours, but we will be going as fast as we can go. Amanda,'' the blonde's name, ''I need you to get me gauze and a lot of surgical tape.''
''Yes doctor, right away doctor.'' Amanda ran off and and got 12 small rolls of surgical tape and 4 packages of gauze.
''Okay sir, this is going to hurt but we have to put it on that way no airborne pathogens get in and cause an infection.''
''IT PROBABLY ALREADY DOES!!,'' the hobo shouted.
''Sir, calm down. If you-,'' Dr. Goodman began to say.
''I already know. one of the nurses already told me.''
''oh...Okay then. Now, sit still.'' Dr. Goodman began to put gauze on the mans arm. He winced a few times at the pain the doctor was causing. ''Sorry. I don't mean to hurt you, but we have to stop the bleeding.''
''AH!...It's okay.''
''Okay. Let's do some skin graphs.''



well i hope you all like the sample of my book! like i said its a work in progress and im still in the progress of writing my book. please let know what you thought of it! as the book goes on it gets more detailed, but yea.

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Comment by zombiesurvivor on December 10, 2010 at 2:50pm

well this is my first book and it has gotten a lot better as i went along so this one will have a lot of errors but again i have gotten a lot better and when i get the chance to ill get more of it up and coming at you guys.

Comment by Rj on December 8, 2010 at 4:44pm
Ignore doompwner- hes an agitator and a troll, he was pissing around in the chat the other day.
Honest opinion tho its decent, not superb but a OK read, it didn't manage to get my full attention though. So in short i didn't feel engaged into the story itself from the draft.
Also other areas i personally would have changed are certain lines and follow ups, there is allot of repetition in the lines,repeated words, try change in between words and beginnings more, add also more advanced wordings.
And some factual errors, and terms that need to be rephrased to fit the profession its depicting and the wording they use. Example: If one man in a bunk fucks around all the personnel in the bunk gets punished in the military. Another one is the beginning, you should delve more into it in details cause it feels lacking and plainly silly from the draft description, Such a scenario are very unlikely to occur at a facility of such importance. Use Cedas precautionary as an example here. It has to seem plausible. i`ll start there to give you an idea on how to improve it to someone`s taste like me. Just want to add this is me giving you a proper critique of something that can become fantastic.
Comment by zombiesurvivor on December 7, 2010 at 6:49pm
thanks and i will. i agree that we gotta stick together if not it wouldnt be right.
Comment by Robert "Andy" Monk on December 7, 2010 at 6:40pm
i like it and don't worry us writers have to stick together me my cousin and my friend ash are writing separate journals about our made up characters in a Zombie Apocalypse, so keep doing what you enjoy and have fun with it
Comment by zombiesurvivor on December 7, 2010 at 6:05pm
thank you bunker
Comment by Bunkerbewahrer on December 7, 2010 at 5:44pm
You can clearly ignore the first comment. He doesnt read and youre writing is excellent, keep on doing that and keep in mind: Critics are the ppl who are just envy they never did something on their own. Cause that takes courage.
Comment by zombiesurvivor on December 7, 2010 at 5:17pm
thank you and i do i love writing books about stuff like this.
Comment by Okota on December 7, 2010 at 4:48pm
Don't worry about the negative people. It takes a lot of guts to let complete strangers see your work. As long as you love what you're doing, that's all that matters. Keep up the good work.
Comment by zombiesurvivor on December 7, 2010 at 3:06pm
awww thank you i have been working on this for so long and it burns me up to see that ppl are critisising my work. so fuk them and fuk him.
Comment by Thomas <Disasterpiece> on December 7, 2010 at 8:06am
well i must say..that was interesting to say the least. Lara Croft, Leon Kennedy, Excalibur, And Zombies In The Same Story = Potential For Epic Awesomeness. And Nevermind That Doompwner Prick. Some People Have NOthing Better To Do Than Sit Around And Be Fat Douchers. Check Out My Blog Intro.

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