a hand full of vicodin and bullets..

As i took a drag of my cigerette, I noticed the blood splatter on my arms along with brain matter, thinking to my self what has this world come too, just yesterday ,  I was  turning wrenches  puting a new motor in my honda worried about what if i cant find the right size motor mount bolt .Now  I cant tell real from fake ,at first i thought i mite be seeing things , beacuse i do take alot of vicodin , but it wasnt that ..  i havent taken one vicodin in twelve hours and my back is kiling me feels like i have a hot poker stabed into my spine every step I take, someone twists the poker , i figure its god ... telling me im still human , or i hope so ,... am  I losing my mind??...

  day 3,,,,,

 The sun was beeming through the windows of this abandon house i took refuge in , I boreded up the the doors , and climbed up a ladder to the attic . The smell of the dead is overwelming , It smells like a sweet rotting beef that is  very hevey and it lingers in the air . it just seems like i can never get that damn smell out of my nose.. I took 5 vicodin this morning . ohh thank god i swear if it wasnt for these guys  i dont know how the hell i would get  though this ,

Thier are 5 survivors along with me ,my family my two sisters my father and brother . We manged to get along so far but , im getting annoyed with them ,all they do is cry  or worry , I guess being broken before the apocalypse has definitely helped me . About two years ago  I messed up my back really bad , not being able to do normal things had made be a bitter person ha, all this time i thought it was for the worst , i guess i was wrong.. My father awalys told me things will would work out in thier own time  , the life i was living was no life , being on disbilty  barley making it by .. He already been though it, he lived it , so he could relate to being disabled and bitter ,  But none of that maters now ,  When the national brodcast went live on the tv we were sitting in the living room ,  and the buzz from my pain killers just droped, .. i freaked out  in my head of corse , what the hell is going on ..  So i called my best friend , see if he hurd anything . we agreed to meet up at a parking lot of a local pharmacy,  And just watch as people came in for food, dried goods, water , But i had somthing more adverureous on my mind , it was risky but i had it planed out i would go in and pick up my script, and then after i got the script i would have my friend  be a distraction so i can grab the rest of the vicoidin bottles i could find , but it didnt happen  as planed ,,my friend ended up taking his shot gun , and blowing away half of the staff right before my weary eyes , i sat thier in shock !!.. what have you done.. He said its them or us ,I said they have familys too ! just like us.. and he replyed no , I dont have one anymore so why should they why should you !  im sorry bro, ! pulled out his glock 9mm   and i saw his brains come out his ears and the rest well .. on the wall ..  I tryed to stop him ... but he told me to stay back .. I wish i could of helped him .. About fifthteen minutes later ,I grabed what i needed  and got out .. I made it home or well what i called home to notice the door was open a crack  so i slowly walked in to find nothing .. all our good sleeping gear  raido ,hunting knifes food gone... with a dead man lying on the floor .. Ive never seen the man before. but my the looks of it his fingers were broken eyes sunking in , and half of his noes ripped off llaying thier in a pool of his own blood ,  i cryed out for my father .. i decsened the ladder to the attic  slowly clibmed up to find my my family hiding , but my fater bleeding he said he took out the guy but in the battle some pice of shit shot him in the leg ,, I said well dad your in luck  I have lots of pain killers , so i wraped his leg and gave him a few oxys tens , i really didnt bring up the subject just draged the body outdoors , It was my fathers frist time taking a life . I knew what he was going though we were raised by a marine so i guess all the things we learned came in handy.. Later that night my father  and I were staying guard , talking .... about what the hell are we going to do next .He said we need to find aunt barb strengh in numbers ...He was talking about going out to glenville to find her.... and i told him frist thing in the morning i will go , you need to stay here and gave him the glock 9mm that my best friend took his life with ....  I said frist thing in the morning i will go find her ,ill take the tahoe sitting across the street with the driver hanging out the window .riped to peaces and bring her back  and you  board up the house ...... after an hour of arguing with him he  agreed .. Its four a.m and i can still hear people screaming for thier life outside of the house .... it makes me think about the time when i was getting robbed in the ghetto and i got the upper hand and beat the guy with a wrench . beging for his life ..  for the frist few months i felt bad and all i could think about is  the last time i hit the man in his head ... he went into a convoltions and then went limp.... so i  know how my father feels but he didnt have a choice it was life or death for his defence ,,, i chose to keep going , it wasnt my first......... 

 Sorry for the bad spelling