A question without an answer

Mustafa Ceric during press conference (shot taken from national TV)

I was a journalist. To be honest, I am STILL a journalist, but right now, without a job. A real paid job. If someone lives for the job, you just can't kill instinct inside of man. You just can't rip it out and behave like nothing's missing. It's part of you forever.

Right now, my safe-house is my radio station. That's where I was working before Super Flu. Small and nice radio station, good people. Good music always. I liked my job. I was working as a radio host, doing various shows over the years. We used to work there during the daylight, and then drink our asses off during nightshifts. I still remember how many times I puked in big hard plastic garbage cans and were carrying them for a washing in the restroom. How many times we were all bringing innocent and naive girls that considered us to be a stars, bringing them down for some XXX fun. We were only a people in love with our job. It was a public job, but as the Cypress Hill says, it's a fun job, but it's still a job. Good, happy times. When this reality was a fantasy theme. When my friends were alive.

I used my humble knowledge to set up antenna outside the radio station and protect it against any kind of bad intentions. Wired it up and protected it with an electrical fence powered from inside of radio station.

Here, situation is not so bad. I have a couch, a TV (which I don't use, but it gives ''home, sweet home'' feeling), a small and old mixer which I use to transmit messages from time to time to any of possible survivors from all around. Damn, that mixer is twice older than me. Old communist left-overs. Fuck ups never even thought about replacing it. Lucky for me they didn't, because I have many spare parts for it and if something goes boom, I can easily repair it. Or try to repair...

Sorry for such a long intro, let's talk about A Question Without An Answer. When things started getting pretty bad, I was sent to press conference of Muslim Community of Bosnia and Herzegovina. How to describe that faction? Well, take everything bad from the Church, and double it...and you're not even close. Me myself was born as a Muslim, but as the years passed, I realized there is no God, and if there was any, he/she is quite a sadist. Reality today proves my opinion. If he/she likes us so much, what's this? A sadistic fun park for him/her to enjoy?

Anyway, I sat in the front row, and there he appeared in traditional Muslim priest robe: Reis-ul-ulema Mustafa Ceric. Mustafa was the Righteous One. All the people were lambs, and he was a shepherd. He says, they obey. Fucking bastard. Sleazeball. I had a picture splitting his head with a pick-up axe wide open playing lively in my mind. Such a sweet fantasies. Unfortunately, I would get shot without having a chance to approach him, his armed gorillas were standing patiently behind him. Would honest priest, poor people helper, a hand for the desperate ones in need, would that type of person need an armed security? I'll let you guess.

Anyway, reason why Muslim Community called up this press conference was to tell one more time to people of Bosnia and Herzegovina their own opinion about flu pandemic, father of the bastard child called Super Flu. Muslim Community bastards talking about flu pandemic? Yeah, I know what to expect, another shit talk about Islamophobia, bad, bad America and an almighty God that sees, hears, and knows everything, loves us, and punishes mankind for their sins - leaving hundred and thousands of people sick, dead and in ultimate despair. I ain't gonna publish this shit, that's what I knew from the very start.

And then he started, what I remember, I will write down.

''Dear brothers and sisters, beloved journalists,

We are all witnesses of terrible tragedy that is striking down United States of America at the moment, and the worst problem of it is, our brothers, American Muslims are also getting sick and dying from this terrible flu. And why? Just because they're living in the country where many sins against Muslims are committed, and they still refuse to confess that to themselves. Living with enemies of the Muslim world is nothing more that compromising all the sick ideology of this sick politicians...''

Look who's talking.

''...We all know that this is not a coincidence. American people were the ones that needed to expect this. American people and most of Europe. There are good people anywhere, but most of people living in United States of America and Europe are approving phobia against Muslims and approving all the bad things. Children are getting pregnant! People are changing sexes! It's a sin, my brothers and sisters, beloved journalists! A sin against God's creation!...''

Wow, he's really aggressive today. The only phobia I have of Muslims is a phobia of Muslim Community and the Satan that runs it. If you ask me, God that hears, sees and knows everything surely doesn't need people that will be transmitter of His wishes for other people. If people believe, God is in their hearts. They don't need to pay to speak to Him/Her.

''We need to unite. We need to give an example of good people, of good Muslims! We're not some savages like they try to present us on CNN and BBC! We're fair and honest people! We wouldn't harm anyone. So, me as the chairman of Muslim Community of Bosnia and Herzegovina wants you to send this message to all the Bosnian people no matter what is their religion: be moral! There is no moral without faith! And there is no better faith than Islam, and there is no greater God than Allah!...''

Wow, I was so wrong. Before this mindless, dull speech I was believing that all the religious people are believing in only one God. With many names around. Guess I was wrong. Such a relief, I'm enlightened.

I started getting really nervous, so I didn't wait for permission to ask questions, I stood up from my chair, introduced myself and asked him:

''And what if Bosnia gets stroked down by this flu? What if it crosses overseas? Will you still stand here acting like a Fidel Castro, speaking about morality and what God people should believe in? Will you still be standing here protected by your tight security and high walls or will you get out there and really help out? Will you give your salary as the humble, honest and fair Muslim you're asking everyone to be for the medicines and drugs to help the poor and uninsured? And, what really bothers me the most, will you first ask for someone name to see if they're valid Muslim children before you reach out to help?''

He was looking at me with his tiny, beady eyes. He was furious. He knew I was not a part of his shit system. I was not part of his agenda. I knew many journalists that were present at that press conference were paid to write down about his wise words as they were brought down to his mouth by God himself. I wasn't part of that scheme. Radio 202 wasn't part of that scheme. We were true, we were straight-from-the-heart. We were hardcore.

''Mr. Saric, you've been very rude and I realize you're trying to accuse me of something. I was with my people whenever they needed me. I will always be...''

I interrupted him rudely. He said I was rude, and that gave me an idea - yeah, I'll be rude.

''Just like when you were with a mob trying to cover pedophile Muslim priest in central Bosnia? When you we're trying to tell everything was just a sick imagination of little 9 year old girl?''

That was the last drop. His mind was an airplane that went crashing down from the sky on its first flight. He tried to stay cold as ice, but he was burning in the flames of his own lies.

''Mr. Saric, I suggest you to leave this press conference immediately. Muslim Community will not stand this kind of media oppression and attacks from uneducated mass of brains infected by a virus called Islamophobia!''

Before he finished his sentence, I turned away, and the last few words were words that were pointed toward direction of my back.

I'm a human being. I can't accept lies. I can't accept hate. I can't help myself, I attack like a wild beast, especially when someone who should be available and open-minded is preaching and trying to scare me by using an image of God.

What God? That one that killed my friends? The one that destroyed the earth?

As I was walking outside big, luxury building that symbolized all the greed and dirt of wolves dressed as priests, I was singing the chorus of ''No Gods No Masters'' by Amebix. Such a great band. All hail British music scene. I'll drink to that.