Bladez's Journal #6

November 16, 2011

     I woke up today in tremendous pain.  No one ever tells you it hurts this bad after you have been shot.  My calf feels like the muscle is slowly being torn off my skin like a band-aid.  I sat up rubbed my eyes and noticed that shay wasn't here.  Probably was making breakfast for everyone.  Anyways, I laid down in bed, sorta just dozed off wondering what I was going to do, and mainly what the group was going to do without me on my feet.  I normally was in about 5/7 raids or daily sweeps.  We usually go out for at least an hour every day, But I guess they will only do 2/3 a week.  I had to talk to max about it.  Anyways, I ended up falling back asleep and had the strangest dream.  I couldn't recall everything but the one thing I do remember was I walked into this room.  My brother and my Best Friend were sitting in the room.  It was like an acid trip.  Just CRAZY colors everywhere.  nothing made sense.  And She left the room and I ran after her.  I can't recall anything else on the dream.  I remember Waking up jumping.  Lilly was sitting next to me on the edge of the bed.  She looked.  Strange, almost scared.  She looked at me and asked if I was okay and then just looked right back out the window.  It was odd.  I sat there for a minute, trying to process what was happening.  I broke the silence and asked her if she was alright. 

     She had that look in her eyes.  I'm not sure what it was but it was there.  tears started to fall and she gave me a big hug and said "Please don't kill us."  I chuckled and looked at her.  "You think I'm going to kill you!?  Now why would I do that Lilly?"  She whipped her nose and just continued to cry.  I look at her, with a slight sigh, "Is this have to do with the guys downstairs?"  She slightly nodded.  "Look Lilly,  What they did was unforgivable and unforgettable.  I am going to have to live the rest of my life with what they did on my mind.  And because of what they did, They must be punished."  She looked up whipped her nose and then her tears away, gave me a hug and got up.  She started to walk to the door, but stop right as she was about to open it.  "thanks."  Her voice was soft and soothing.  Yet I could her the pain and the fear still inside her.  I don't think she believed me...  Oh well.  Can't keep them all at 100%.  So after she left I wen't back to sleep.  I shouldn't have but I did.  When I awoke it was silent.  Dead silent.  Not a noise.  It was almost creepy. Almost.  I sat up and there to my left was jess sitting in a chair, I started to giggle.  He Quickly looked up and put a finger of his mouth...

     I realized that, well you see.  I woke up in the middle of a Zombie Raid.  I peaked through the one way window and there were at least 200 of them just outside my window!  I quickly and quietly got up.  Jess gave me a hand, and he took me to the others.  During things like this we like to all get together and be together.  Jess gently set me down on my butt.  I was right next to Shay.  Jess sat on the other side of me.  I looked at them.  Tay whispered. "now's not the time, but we feed them scraps and I used their clothes to stitch up the holes you left.  The guy with the dreads died yesterday while you were out.   The other three will live."  I nodded.  That's the only words spoken in that circle that morning.  It was roughly 1pm when the Zombz finally cleared out.  Everyone got up.  Jess wen't up on the roof to check if the coast was completely clear. Dani wen't with him.  Tay wen't with shay into the kitchen to get lunch made,  Lilly wen't to go sit up in the second story and watch for zombz, It was her shift. And that left me and Max.  Perfect.  I spoke up and asked what was going to happen with the raids.  He said he had it under control but I objected.  I told him I don't want anyone out until I can at least fast walk, I mean the last thing I want is for two of our people to go missing.  He nodded.  "You know I can't promise anything but I'll try to keep them from going out."

     He helped me up and I tried to walk.  I managed to get on my feet and slowly walk.  The pain was unbearable at first, but it stopped hurting after about 5-10 minutes of walking.  I tried to go upstairs and it took me a while but I succeeded.  I found Lilly next to the giant window.  I checked around.  no one.  Us two alone again.  I walked up to her. "Sorry" I managed to squeeze out of my throat.  I startled her a little and she jumped.  She turned around. "Sorry?"  "For two nights ago.  That was something none of you should have seen or heard."  She looked at me.  "Thanks for apologizing." "I owe it to you and everyone else in this house."  She nodded and continued to watch for zombz.I hugged her and the chair then slowly made my way back downstairs.  And boy, Downstairs hurt worse than coming up.  When I got down, I ran into Jess and Dani.  They were talking about who could be more accurate and who was a better shot.  They saw me and decided to bombard me with questions.  I sat there and laughed.  You two just never stop now do you?  They looked at each other and giggled.  I spoke softly "Sorry about the other night."  Jess nodded and Dani said "We understand."   I smiled and headed on towards the kitchen.  I opened the barn doors, and They were all laughing and having a good time.  Tay turns around and said "Look who waddled in."  After an exchange of not so very nice words we ended up laughing.  "Just like old time, huh?" I said.  "You know it babe" Taylor said winking at me.  "So how long have you two been g** for each other" shay butted in with a giant grin on her face.  "Not as long as I've been g** for you" Tay said laughing.  I was cracking up and so was max.  I said, "Look guys.  I'm sorry about the other night.  You guys shouldn't have seen or heard any of that."  Tay nodded and said "You know If I was there, I would have done the same thing."  Tay knew her too.  They knew each other back in 3rd grade, when I met her in 9th grade.  I sat there, stunned. "You never saw her did you."  He shook his head.  I felt so bad, I had completely neglected the fact that Tay knew her too.  "I'll take you down to her Island when I get this leg healed up"  He nodded and said "I'll keep those fucks in line while you on bed rest."   I grinned "Deal."  I declared in excitement.  "I'm still sorry about that though."  I looked at Shay and Max.  "We all understand.  Tay filled us in on who she was. Jess won't talk though...  But anyways, I'm sure you know exactly what they deserve."   I smiled and gave max a grin.  One he's seen one too many times.  I looked at shay "And you darling?"  She blushed "Of course I forgive you.  Like Max said, we understand completely."  I smiled.  "So whats for Lunch?"  Thats when Tay and Shay started talking at the same time.

     After lunch, I ended up staying posted at the chair to watch for zombz.  Nothing too big that would stress me out.  I heard someone coming up the stairs.  It was a girl. I could tell by the foot steps.  She came up behind me wrapped her hands around my eyes and said "Guess who?"  "Santa?"  Shay couldn't stop laughing.  She came out from behind me and gave me a hug.  "You know, If you need anything just holler.  I nodded.  "Will do"  She sat on my lap. "So what DO you do up here?"  I don't know weather she was talking about me personally or just in general.  Shay has never done shift.  She normally always keeping us healthy and making some amazing herb to keep us from getting sick.  "Well you sit here and watch for zombies"  I said mono toned.  She giggled "But what I do up here is just watch for zombies."  Still spoken in my monotone.  She thought that had to be the funniest thing.  I just smiled.  She looked at me "So seriously what do YOU do up here?"  She made sure to emphasis the "You."  I said "I'm not sure.  Just sit here and watch.  I guess I just think about life, and everything thats going on."  She smiled.  "Must be peaceful."  I nodded.  She looked at me.  I looked at her.  We both started to lean in.

     "What are you to doing!?" Jess said right in my ear.  He scared Shay so bad she jumped and fell to the floor.  Jess started laughing, I couldn't hold back and started laughing in with him.  Shay got pissed and hit jess and left.  "You always ruin everything you assfuck."  I declared.  He smiled, "I save you enough to ruin all your fun.  You're my bitch."   he started cracking up.  I just rolled my eyes, I guess he saw and he came and sat on my lap.  "What baby, Am I not good enough?"  He said laughing his ass off.  "Shut the fuck up and get the fuck off of me."  I said laughing.  he jumped off and ran down the stairs singing merrily.  Shay came back up, and sat back down on my lap.  "Can you believe him?"  I just snickered.  "That's Mr. Bahdoner for you."  She rolled her eyes.  I just pulled her in and hugged her.  "thanks." I whispered.  She turned around to look for jess.  "You're welcome." she said planting a kiss on my cheek.  We sat there in silence watching the sun set.  I have always loved how the sun and the sky was during sunsets.  Its things like this that no matter HOW horrible the earth has become.  These things will ALWAYS be beautiful.  Tay came up and said "Excuse me young ones"  Shay looked at Taylor.  She was about to say something when I cut her off. "What do you want?" I said sarcastically.  "Go get some rest you two.  You both earned it."  I laughed "My bullet wounds get me bed rest?  FUCK YEAHHHHHHH"  He laughed.  Its great having friends around form my childhood.  Its the inside jokes that can keep us happy.  Shay didn't know what to do so she got off my lap and helped me down stairs to my bedroom.

     She helped me into bed and then said "Do you need anything?" "Just you" I said with a melodramatically seductive wink. She giggled and then laid down in my arms.  "I miss this."  She said.  "Miss what?"  I said playing dumb.  "Being held.  Being with a man." she exclaimed.  "Well.  You're with one right now so there is nothing to miss."  She giggled and then tucked herself in deeper into my body.  I pulled the covers over us. And soothed her back until she fell asleep.  And once again, I am writing this journal while I hold shay.

     Painful but great day.   Nothing comes easy in this life.  Nothing.