Dead Armageddon - Ep. 10

Day 410.

I've done it... I killed them. I killed them both.

I've never killed a person before... It's not the same as killing a zed. When I kill a zed, it just feels like something that needs to be done. There's no remorse, no second thought. They're just empty vessels, expressionless faces driven by nothing more than a primal instinct to feed. They're pests. Nothing more, nothing less.

A person, on the other hand...

Taking human life is so much different... I thought that I could do it without feeling anything, like I do with zeds. I was wrong though... When I rammed that machete through Dalton's chest, I felt something. For the first time in a long time, I felt remorse for what I was doing. He didn't make a sound, but when he looked at me, his eyes just kept screaming "why?". I couldn't stand it... I looked away and drove it deeper into his chest. I kept apologizing to him with tears in my eyes. Like it made any difference...

I couldn't stand to look at Danny when I cut his throat... I couldn't stand seeing his eyes. He was too young to die, but I had no choice... It was a matter of survival. I took the life of a unique individual, someone who had experienced emotion, and had memories of better times, just as I have. It was heartbreaking. He was just trying to survive, like me...

I suppose I find some comfort in my sorrow, knowing that my humanity is still there. It's good to know that all the gore and killing hasn't left me an emotionless husk. It's enough to keep me sane for now.

I don't think I'll ever tell Paige. If she finds out what I did, she may leave me. She's all I have left in this barren world. Josh promised to keep it from her, and I trust him. She asked me where they had gone, and I didn't know what to say. You'd think I'd have prepared an answer for it, but I didn't. All I could think about was what I did. I just told her, "I don't know where they went." and she believed me. It hurt to betray her trust the way I did, and that pain, once again, reminded me of my humanity.

Anyway, enough of my psycho-babbling, We're driving north now. The roads are clear for the most part, but I expect something will impede our progress. We're going to stop in Richmond to refuel and resupply before heading West.

I just hope luck is on my side...