Destination Pt 2:Lost in the path of confusion.

The cellphone rang for the fifth time that morning.

Frederick just stared at it, the phone had slid underneath their right nightstand but its lit-up screen was visible from the floor where he laying down, dry tears on his face, a two-day beard, filthy and starving, a wrinkled note in his hand, he was squezzing tightly as if that piece of paper held the key to his existence and in a way, it did.

On the bed, Julia was sleeping peacefully, perfectly still. Oblivious to the world around her. Now the living room phone rang loudly.. one ring, three rings, seven rings.. the voice mail machine was activated.

A female voice begun to speak, Frederick could recognize her as his mother-in-law, Carolyn.

"Fred? Julia? Are you there? We have been very worried about you, you guys were supposed to be at Sarah's wedding yesterday! What happened?! Are you there? Call me back please! Love you guys!~"

Click.

Frederick's eye flickered and blinked, he thought about getting up and eat something, his body was screaming for some food but he couldn't muster the strenght to get up.

Time passed, he felt very sleepy as the hunger pains got stronger and he slept. He woke up to the sound of his front-door being banged upon.

"Liutenant!! This is Anders!" the voice stated.
"Are you there? Fred?! Open up!!" The doorbell rang and Anders banged on the door once again.

Frederick wondered if he had enough balls to break the door down, Anders was his new partner, recently assigned a week ago after his old partner died in a fire. So far, he was an ok kid but he couldnt match up with Vince. He missed that bastard.. first him, now Julia, he was truly alone now.

Several minutes passed and Frederick figured Anders gave up. The cellphone rang and vibrated again, same for the living room phone, but he did not care.. nothing to do now but wait to die.

Day turned to night, again.. he finally got up to go to the bathroom. He was still hungry and thirsty but he ignored those sensations, what he could not ignore were the necessity to pee and shit. After business was taken care of, he looked at the mirror.. he grabbed the razor and thought of ending it.. quick slash to the throat it would be over. He considered it and tentatively sliced himself right under his adam's apple and a bloody line appeared.

He saw the shaggy and filthy image on the mirror once again staring at the bloody line.
He undressed and opened the shower curtain, turned on the hot water. If he was going to die, he wanted to be clean.. he had seen a lot of dead bodies, some of them with shit on them. Once you die there is nothing stopping the feces on your intestines coming out, that is why he was starving himself.. he wanted to be clean.. yeah.. a respectful death.

He got into the shower, the scolding hot water burning his back and his scalp. He started to cry from the pain, both physical and emotional. He scrubbed himself, trying to get rid of all the dirt, dirty soapy water went down the drain, after he was done, he got out, his reddish skin still steaming and he laid in a corner.

He slept again.. when he woke up he stood up and saw himself again on the mirror, the blood was gone but it had left a scratch on his throat.. he decided to shave his beard and he did. He grabbed the toothbrush and brushed his teeth, he flossed and put some aftershave on, the one Julia liked so much.

He went into the bedroom and she saw her, exactly the same way he left her two days ago or was it three? He was starting to loose track of time. He honestly didnt care much anyway.

He dressed up with his sunday's best. He loved this suit and if he was going to die, he wanted them to bury him in this suit. Two more days and he would be gone. He still was unsure of how to do it though. He could go classic and shoot himself with his gun or jump out of the window.. 6 stories high, that would leave some chance of survival though.

He looks back at Julia and he saw the note on the floor, he picked it up and put it in his breast pocket. He wanted them to see this. He wanted to be buried with her.. so maybe pills.. yeah. He would overdose and just lie down next to her. Guns would be too quick and messy and he wanted it to be right.

Julia was in her underwear and wearing a dirty t-shirt.. no, that would not do at all. She was not clean either, they could not see her like this!

Morning dawned as Frederick toiled to clean his wife and the house, he put her favorite dress on her and fixed her hair, he also put her favorite album on the mp3 player: "Abbey Road"

He disconnected the living room phone and threw his cellphone out of the window earlier so he worked interrupted. It was night again and he was very tired, but the sort of tired that comes with a little bit of happiness. He went towards the bedroom and lied down besides Julia, the pill bottle close by on the nightstand.

- "Tomorrow love, wait for me please..."

He allowed himself to fall asleep hugging her and dreaming of better times, the day they met on the beach, the day she gave him the first kiss, the first night they spent together, the proposal, the honeymoon, their first anniversary vacation, the day Gary was born, the days they spent grieving together and making their love bond stronger, the day she shouted at him at being a terrible husband and a fuck-tard of a father, the night that followed when she threw her whisky bottle at him and gave him a concussion, her first suicide attempt, how Vince helped them get their shit together after everything went to hell and how she became happy again and then..how they mourned together when Vince died and then she sees her hanging by the rope... swinging back and forth.. minutes too late!! He was too late! Fucking traffic!! Fucking life!!

He heard her voice shouting at him: "Fred!! You bastard!! You were never here for us! Always working! Always late!! Now it's too late!! Can't you see? Too late!!!! Its all your fault!!! your Fault!!"

He woke up startled by the nightmare.She was right of course, she was always right... It is time, he will not be late today! Its time!

He grabbed the pills and poured a whole bunch of them on his free hand and then.. a miracle happened.

Julia woke up.