Diaries of a Zombie Hunter: Part Deux…Courtney Does Canada

So we have been talking about moving up to Canada for a while now, because supplies are running out and we could make like Little House on the Prairie and fucking do it up in the hundreds of miles of wilderness up there. I promised I’d write when something worth writing about happened, and now I at least have something more noteworthy than endless stories about reloading ammo and killing zeds from rooftops and shit.

The drive to Canada started pretty ok, but we had to make sure that we were paying attention when we stopped for supplies, and especially gasoline, on our way up to the Canada-Minnesota border. The zeds are running out of food because there are less and less survivors out there. One time, in Kansas (or Nebraska, I can’t keep them straight and they both fucking look alike while you’re driving through them) we stopped at an empty-looking gas station and uncapped the fuel tanks. We thought we’d secured the gas station inside and out, but when I went back inside to get some canned corned beef, I came face to face with a child zombie in the candy aisle. Holding a blood-stained teddy bear. Ironic, huh? Just a year ago I’d have bought her a $.25 lollipop and sent her on her way. She only came up to my hip and reminded me of my niece, with her pretty blonde hair and chubby face. I held her snapping jaws away from me with one arm while I gave her a bullet to the brain at point-blank range. It was kinda like the Harlem Globetrotters. Damn, she moved fast on those little legs, too.

So anyways, keeping our ears to the ground a little more, we trekked up to Canada. It took us about 7 days to get to Minnesota from where we were in California, and by the time we were seeing those pine trees and rolling fields along the freeways, I was feeling like life may, in fact, be looking up. It’s always funny when we pass an area of farmhouses, because the zombie farmers will come running out onto the road and try to catch up and get a snack…but then again, I always had a weird sense of humor. The world has become twisted inside and out, and there’s nothing anyone can do anymore except laugh, light a cigarette, and check their clip.

We stopped at a gas station off I-35 going north into Hinkley, MN to get some more canned food before we finished the drive up to the border. We had heard reports that Canada blocked off all the borders and there was no entry permitted, but that was months ago and radios have suspiciously fallen more and more silent lately. It’s like the world is shutting up. But on this day, we found out that there were at least a few people out there worth listening to.

After we got the stuff we needed from the gas station, we heard a crackle over the CB for a few minutes. And then I just about crapped myself, because I recognized the voice on the radio. It was my own fucking mother. Who I though had become infected over a year ago when the shit storm went down and she was caught in a horde attack. I grabbed the CB from Corey and said “Mom, is that you? Mom, its Bean. Where are you? I’m coming to get you.” Tears were running down my face and for once my hard-shelled exterior was completely cracked open. I was like a drowning woman clinging to a life preserver in the Pacific Ocean.

“Oh thank God, honey. We’re at Ben’s old property, you remember where we used to ride his horses. There are five of us here; Ben, his wife, and me, your dad, and Darla. Darla’s mom didn’t make it. Where are you?”

“Don’t worry about that mom. I’m coming there right now. Pack anything up that you need; we’re going to Canada”.

My mom took a second to respond, and when she did, I could hear that she was crying just as much as I was. “Ok honey. We’ll be ready in 5 minutes.”

I gave the receiver back to Corey and turned around. Both my boyfriend and I were blubbering like retarded babies. This was the closest thing we could imagine to having a family again since before the infection spread. We hugged, and clung to each other like never before, not saying anything, just crying silently. After a second, we realized everyone was looking at us, and we got everything packed up and moved out. I do have a reputation to keep up, after all.

We had to double back to get to Ben’s property, and we did it in double time. He had a small barn, a house, and a shed with his own well. The property was good enough for 5 people to use as a defensible area, but add 11 more and there would be problems. After embracing my parents and everyone else, they loaded up their supplies and weapons into Ben’s conversion van. I was glad he didn’t sell that big old thing, like he’d wanted to for years. The gunners on top of the Jeeps kept watch while all this was going on- I wasn’t about to lose my mom after I just found her.

Just before we were all done, I heard an alert over the walkie from my best friend- she had seen movement. Not used to our drills and how we worked, my parents were confused at first. I told them all to get into the van, start it up, and lock the doors. They hadn’t seen many undead or much action this far into the woods, so they weren’t used to coming face to face with zeds. I took position in the back of one of the Jeeps and made sure my .50 cal was primed with enough ammo. We all watched the north side of the woods with baited breath for a few moments. The suspense was killing me, and I could feel every muscle in my body tighten like a coil of wire. I could almost smell the rotting flesh smell that clings to every zed I’ve ever met. And I just about put half a belt of ammo through what I saw moving through the woods when my eye was drawn to branches moving a second time- it was a young doe and fawn, startled by the noise of packing up we had made. We all chuckled for a second, and I razzed Angie from the Jeep about spotting nothing more than a gentle deer.

I heard a crash through the bushes just as I was about to get down and thought it was the deer making a run for it. My face and eye turned and, in slow motion, I saw an old, rotting, undead laborer run at the second Jeep, the one with Angie in it. She was unprepared, and Mr. Fix It was really moving fast. He crashed into the steel cage and began to claw at it, looking for a hand or foot hold to get up into it. He was growling and slathering and making a general nuisance of himself. Before Angie could reach into her holster for her sidearm, I heard a report and the zed fell down. Corey had shot him in the head in a single shot, and when I looked over at my parents, I could see that there eyes were wide open and their mouths were agape with shock. It was a damn good shot.

So now we are just about to the Canada border, and we’ve stopped for the night to rest. I don’t have guard duty, and I’m just about to join my new/old family around the fire to catch up. The mood is ecstatic, and we are all talking at once. That’s actually why I’m writing this now- I needed a break from the constant chattering. But I’d better get back to it- today Courtney, Zombie Hunter hunted down and found some live quarry instead of undead, and couldn’t be more pleased about that.