Entry #1 Bill The Neighborhood Zombie

It all started for me in this way- Sunday afternoon asleep on the couch. Green bay packer game on tv droning in the background with updates on bottom of the screen telling of numerous string of zombie murders across the state. I hear a high pitch snarl from outside & assume the kids are twisting the cat's tail again so i roll over to resume my nap. Then there is a curse from my wife in the kitchen as she flies out the back door & rushes down the steps. I tumble off the couch to look bleary eyed out the window at a site in the backyard the causes me to wonder if i'm still asleep & having a nightmare. My wife tears across the yard with a large fry pan in one hand & a butcher knife in the other, screaming! Bill, the neighbor two houses down, has one of our kids under his arm & dragging the other by her hair into a wooded lot! The kids are putting up a descent fight for their age but there the crazy neighbor goes with them as the wife quickly overtakes him. First a hard blow to the head with the fry pan! Then a deep slash across the shoulder blades with the razor sharp knife! At this point i'm thinking its the end of the line for Bill but he just drops the kids & starts for my wife. Bad choice, neighbor. Another blow to the head with the fry pan, knife slash across the cheek & nose, & a quick knee to the groin just because! Bill is off balance, tumbles onto my freshly mowed lawn. As we all watch in horror he rises to one knee, then the other! He advances as the wife grabs both kids & makes for the house. I come out of the trance & decide now would be a good time to do something helpful. There goes a sunday afternoon shot to hell! Packer where winning too!

"Are the kids alright?" I ask as i rush past & down the stairs.
"Yes they seem to be."
"Good! Then i'll let Bill off easy this time."
"Good luck with that," comments my wife.
I start towards Bill. He stumbles along dripping blood down the front of his bib coveralls & onto my lawn.
"Bill, what is the idea of making a mess of my lawn? And trying to drag the kids off too!"
Bill answers with a snarl & hiss. A chunk of flesh from his cheek drops onto the grass.
"You're drunk again Bill! I'm gonna ask you nice to turn around & go home. I'll let it go this time but if it happens again you'll wish it hadn't! Do you understand Bill?"
He again answers with a snarl but this time moves toward me.
And at this point i clearly see Bill is not human anymore. He's one of those lousy zombies that they have been having trouble with all over the world lately. Everyday on the news, zombies this, zombies that! Zombies gonna get you! Zombies gonna rule the earth! Please save us from the zombies! So if i want to do my part guess its time to take Billy Boy out before someone get hurt besides him.
I decide to go for a body slam that any pro wrestler would nod in approval of. This ends in regret because somehow Bill ends up on top of me. His teeth nash at my throat, his breath reeks of something worse then dead fish. I try to push him off but his body is dead weight. His teeth slowly inch closer to my throat. I tilt his head away in an impossible angle. Then just above Bill's head appears the large fry pan that comes down hard on his skull again & again till it becomes a gory pulp. I roll the body off of me then stand on shaking legs. My wife has her arms folded across her chest with the fry pan in front.
"Thanks for the help, honey, but in a couple more seconds i'd had Bill right where i wanted him," I insert. Looking at dead Bill then the lawn, I wonder aloud," Think we can get the kids to clean up this mess? The half time show should be on soon."