If you were to ask me what's the most difficult thing I've had to come to terms with in the aftermath of the outbreak, my answer would be a simple one: adjusting to a new beauty regime. Yes, in the light of other, shall we say, more trivial things, for example modifying your home to withstand a living dead onslaught, I'm pretty confident that mine will garner more sympathy votes.
I mean, think about it, barricading your home and turning into an anti-zombie fortress is all well and good, but in the light of what miseries I have to face, you've got a pretty good. Let's weigh things up.
Your windows - these are probably the first thing you're gonna want to see to along with any weak doors etc. But, the solution to this problem is simple; wood. Yeah, that's right, wood. It's just laying around almost everywhere, and if it isn't laying then I'm sure you've got granny's priceless old Chippendale 6 piece dining set to hack up into zombie-proof window ornaments. Simple.
Next you're going to be looking at adding a little reinforcement to these wooden shutters; the favoured item of choice is usually a sandbag, again, no trouble making your own. Just gather up any old pillow cases or duffel bags you have around your home, and stuff 'em full of dirt. Just as serviceable as any old sandbag you're gonna find in some army surplus store.
I think you folks get the idea.
Now, let's think about me.
All this barricading and reinforcing is time consuming, I'll admit that. BUT! Compare it with how long I have to sit in front of the mirror and apply coat after coat of foundations and bronzers and still the gangrene shows through! Just take a minute to imagine that. If you're a girl, then you'll understand better than the guys reading this how painstaking and sometimes frustrating making yourself beautiful can be, but I doubt that most of you out there will have been bitten as very few zombies I know can write, never mind read a blog.
I just happen to be one of the lucky ones, I guess.
For all you fresh-girls out there with your lovely healthy skin; next time you wake up in the morning and start whining about a pimple or the bags under your eyes, spare a thought for me, poor little FlyGirl who would KILL for a pimple, who would KILL to have a left eye never mind bags under it and who would LOVE it if I didn't have to collect little pieces of myself from the sink and shower and spend another hour and a half reapplying them.
Think yourselves lucky, freshies and thanks for reading.
/FlyGirl
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