Hope is there is none

Dear Diary,

Hope is gone, I have no reasons to live anymore, honestly every night I think of ending my own life, to just escape from this hell Im living in of Death surrounding me in everything I do.

I cant escape death, every place I go into any street i walk down, any person i meet...... All it is is death.... I just wanna forget it all, forget all this happened and go back to my old life, back to being a kid, back to having fun with my friend, driving cars way to fast, stealing hearts, just not having a care bigger than finding who I was going to fuck next, just being a teenager... I miss those years, I miss everyone I ever knew, I carry no grudges anymore... in fact i wish i could be mad at someone...well someone who is actually alive....

Just the thought of taking this gun, putting in my mouth and just pulling the trigger....BANG! no more worries, no more constant threat of death, just nothing, maybe id figure out if God did really exist,  no scratch that he doesnt exist, for if he did I wouldve never been here in the first place, i wouldve just died peacefully one night while asleep... Or maybe I did something to piss him off, maybe I did die and this is actually just Hell... Idk, could you die twice if you live in Hell ??? Or do you just wake up the next day to start all over again where you left off??

Idk, I can here someone screaming from a distance I hope the make it out of this wretched city, I hope they get to a "safe" zone. 

Im putting my ear plugs in and all the doors are barricaded I think Im safe Ive been in this building for a week now and never been bothered.

Goodnight Diary, I hope I dont wake up tomorrow moring