how long has it been now?..

a girl named Aska joined our group.

the thing is. its bullshit. leaving these people. leaving a man named Jeremy in the middle of a parking lot.

we cant afford these things.

most of us dont have..civilized sympathy.

and what [doesnt] hurt is that we leave them.

in this world. on this whole fucking planet that's all there is.

and after watching..."murder'?

i dont know. there is no involuntary manslaughter or even..murder.

we all know that we look out for each other but there is this.

                                                        if it came to that moment.

                                         i would watch them fall so slowly. almost like my heart felt like before all of this.

                           and i would turn. i would turn and run with no hurt or regret or steady pace.

              i have learned to run. i've learn to run fast and hard and miles. i wouldn't even remember your name

    this damn penny in a million dollars is the memory that after all this blood, fucking rip skin life...

                                                 even in comparison to the girl who was my sister

                                        or the puddle next to him as i recited the song we made up at seven

                                   or the maroon, cashmere gloves mom bought when i was 12

                          or the friends i made at eight and thirteen and five

                                              i remember this:

                                                       we bought a wall mount from pier 1

                                                             and i hugged you as we left the car

                                                                          and there was a sunset and i said

                                                                               "remember this" to myself, in my head.

                         and damnit i hate you and youre dead. but i cant feel one thing. or all of the things..

who am i?