I know its wrong but why does it feel so right?

Im not going to lie, I never liked people. I avoid crowds, enjoy seclusion and never came across too many "good" people. I have never been one to harm another person but when it became a necesity I have to admit that I loved it. Being able to finally release my aggression towards society has in many ways made my life better. Just being able to take the life of these evil abominations was not what fueled my pleasure, the real reason I enjoy their extermination is because there is no guilt, shame, reprecusions or punishment for my actions. You are probably thinking "this guy is insane and had been sick before all this" and you couldnt be more wrong. Like i said, i never layed a hand on another human to cause harm before this. As a matter of fact i was the type of guy that would of much rather taken the pain so someone else would
not have to. No matter how horrible a person would treat me I just had that gut feeling that said "Hurting others is wrong!" and i would never seek revenge.

Now you all know how you felt the first time you had that unavoidable encounter with "them", the fear and adrenaline kicking in and the instinct to live would take over. After you would look upon what you have just done you cant help but think that if it wasnt for the circumstances you would of never killed and now you have no choice. I wanted to live and I had to protect my loved ones and thats all I could think of at first but now that has changed. After we found a secure location and learned how to survive I became happy, as horrible is it may seem it is true. Now it was just us and those things outside are souless monsters so now I dont have to take the pain for them, now the world is finally a place for me. I can now react when I am threatened because everytime i get rid of one of them I know im doing right. When i encounter survivors i can finally enjoy another persons company because we are all on the same level now and the petty things that caused me to hide before the infection do not exist. You may call it an apocalypse but i call it a cleansing and if this is what must be done to do things right then so be it. I dont wanna get all "preachy" but sometimes there is a message that would never be noticed untill its too late and i think with the way things are now i finally get the message.

Im not sure if this will ever be read by another person and maybe thats why im being so honest, but when i found this notebook something told me that i should write. I will get to how im able to sit down and write anything in these conditions another time. I thought that if i didnt make it that this first entry should be something meaningful so i chose to confess that i dont feel like everyone else does about what has happened. You lived in the same world I did before this and you know about the horrible things that took place and those were all unifected humans, go figure. All i know is even if this outbreak never happened life is too short and if my remaining days have to spent in this hell then it maybe worth it. If after all this humans come to exist and thrive once more perhaps they will remember what happened and make a new world with no suffering for each other. So yes this is worth it for me and yes i will enjoy everytime i elminate these undead because every undead down gets us back on track to a better tomorrow, hopefully.

I guess when you turn the page you will find out if i was able to tell you more about my story and if not i wish you good luck regardless if our opinions differ. Stay strong.