That wasn't living. That wasn't surviving. That was dying.That was the descent into madness. That was the loss of everything important. Ever. That was all we had to look forward to. We agreed to do it. We sat in our little safe dark room. We ate our last bits of food. We said "tomorrow for sure". It would be Valentines Day by our count. It just seemed to fit. We didn't have anything to use. No bullets. That would be the best choice. No pills. Drifting painlessly into sleep would be too easy. No tall buildings. We wanted to die flying. No rope even. That would be gruesome. We decided. We were going to kiss. We were going to walk out the door. Into the swarm. Into the monsters. Into the death. Into our death. We were going to look into each others eyes. We were going to hold hands. We were going to go down together. We planned. We practiced. We sat together the whole night before. Talking and remembering. Broken dreams and pointless aspirations. Tears. Empty laughing. Words full of meaning. For me. We didn't sleep. Not at all. If you had so little time left would you spend it on your own in a world of your own nightmares? We wouldn't. We couldn't. I'm glad. I had that time at least. The sun rose. We watched form our little dirty window. We held each other close and kissed. I could feel her heart beating against mine. Together. In tandem. We walked to the door. We kissed again. She was scared. I could tell. I said I would go first. I said she could follow. I said that everything was going to be alright in the end. I held her hand so tight. So tight. I hurt her. She flinched. I loosened my grip. I opened the door. And stepped out into the sea of clawing hands and gnashing teeth. I looked into your eyes as your hand slipped from mine. I looked into your eyes as you whispered "I'm sorry." I looked into your eyes and saw no regret there. I looked into your eyes as they tore me apart. I looked into your eyes as I was destroyed. I looked into your eyes. Heart and soul. Body and mind. I looked into your eyes as tears fell. I looked into your eyes. You turned away. I looked into your eyes. Those green blue eyes. Those eyes I know so well. As I died, I looked into your eyes. And I remembered them. I'm coming back for you. Don't you worry. I'll always come back for you.
(this is my second entry fro the valentines day contest. again it is not related to my main blog cured. i guess i dont have to keep writing this little warning. oh well. enjoy it please.)