Is god still there?

How can god let this happen? Isn't he supposed to be a kind and justly god? All my life I was taught that he was a merciful and caring Being. That he would care for us, his flock, in our most trying moments. That he would protect and watch over us. Since that was the god I knew then he must be dead. He wouldn't have allowed this to happen, would he? And if he is still up there, and when my time comes, he will pay for what he allowed to happen to his so called children. I have seen and done things that anyone should ever have to. I have had to steal. I have had to let friends die. I have had friends and family beg me to kill them. Begging me to pull the trigger so they wouldnt become one of those things. How could he make me have that responsibility. I even had to kill a child. A CHILD! Just because of that God Damn virus. That virus that god allowed to happen. A virus that the child had gotten from its own mother. The very person that he only knew as his protector. the person that would never allow him to come to harm. All I have to ask is, "is he still there"?