Journal of Me

Journal of November 3rd of 2009

Stephen insisted that I was not being treated differently then them? And when I asked him why he was here then he put smirk on his face and a half warm hearted nervous chuckle. I’m pretty sure he likes me but I’m not putting my life on the line for that, I’ve done to much.

As I’ve been writing this my head count went up to 283. Bang Bang from far away. I swear I can hear their skulls crumble to bits and pieces. This is horrible I feel semi bad for doing this, shooting with so much hate for someone that used to be a mother, father, sister, brother maybe not mine but to someone. Would you want someone to blow the head off you Mother if she was a Zombie and then laugh about it?

Later on that night about two hours after dark I was about to bathe when I heard James cry out for help. I got my baseball bat and hatchet. I didn’t even have time to get redressed all the way. I’m running to find where he is, then I hear them outside I rush down the fire escape stairs hoping to hell, that I don’t slip and fall. They are in front; he must have been checking the boards. He’s on the ground surrounded by them I start pushing them away them hitting them really fucking hard, He has his knives to defend himself but that won’t last long. I’ve gotten a few away and I start to tell him to get the fuck up when a runner comes out from the side of the building. He’s seconds away from being bite on the neck I shoved the end of the bat in is mouth and then hit it in the face with my hatchet. It splits her face in half basically but she’s not dead yet. I force it to release it then hit her in the face again and again. He had finished the others as I brutally hit this woman.

All of the sudden I’m pissed off so much I start to Trembling. Stephen comes after everything is done, no one knows what he was doing, and he didn’t say we didn’t ask. I cried because I hate all of them, I want this to end. This world has no joy; I need joy to stay alive. I can’t believe this. These are no longer people like I tried to say before theses are MONSTERS. Flesh craving fiends that kill without hesitation. They have no feeling anymore they are hallowed versions of humans that eat the living to try and gain a soul any soul. What if they have thoughts and are given a chance to regain a soul? Just because everything else is broke doesn’t really mean the not in a coma.

It’s time to rest and relax, I think my breeding period is getting in the way of my judgment; no one leaves a man to be eaten alive by some hallowed beast. I need to breed. I need to tell Stephen how I feel. I just don’t know hoe to say it that I don’t love him but I really really care about him. I don’t think it was love at first sight but there was something about he’s up beat personality that drove me insane in a good way.

How bad would it be to raise a child in this type of atmosphere? There’s lots of unpleasurable acts on a daily basics, but there are some enjoyable times? I’m 18 years old life is no longer the happy place where you can raise babies, But with the dramatic drop in our population, Isn’t it time to start repopulating really all we have to do is breed, it won’t be easy with out medicine and all the good shit we was used to, we just need to go back in time. Tomorrow I need to ask them If would mind a little one running around. We would have to change a lot.

Well I’m off to go on watch and do inventory, Once again…Hope there is a tomorrow.