Nightmares that won't go away

I walked around town just wandered aimlessly hoping that at some point I would blink and it would all just go away....it didnt I walked to the school ironic last place I ever thought I would go to in this situation but I went today I dont know maybe to just try to at least see the memories of my friends playing basketball my girlfriend curled up laying on me her head on my chest I did see it all for a minute or too then just like a disney movie gone to shit it faded away I walked to the playground which is pretty funny seems like your never to old to just sit on a swing and relax I seen a little girl she was about six years old all curled up in a ball her head between her knees I walked up to her and asked if she was ok as her head turned up so she could face me her left eye fell out and she hissed at me she tried  to lunge at me and just as she did I pulled the trigger of my revolver the bullet went through her forehead and she dropped in mid lunge for a split second she looked peaceful laying on the ground in a dress that I was sure must have looked nice before it was covered with blood then I remembered a little girl about six years old who would always cry at this playground when I was in 12th grade and I would always push her on the swing and make her laugh I remembering her wearing a flowery dress that only a christian  mother of a kindergardener would by her daughter I was like an older brother to this girl she looked just like her mother who was my fathers bestfriend her brown hair and green eyes spitting image of her mother and thats when I realized that I possibly destroyed the last bit of sanity in my life I close her eyes and I felt a tear well up I just walked away locked myself in my room for the rest of the night