Pilot: Paranoia

 5 THINGS I DON'T MISS

school

alarm clocks

p.e. (do I hear a chear from the nerds of the world?)

The Machines (call me a technophobe if you will, but I swear they had it in for me)

Our Lady

Have you ever heard it when people said, "jusy because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you"? I'm pretty sure you have, and I lived pretty much my entire life around that phrase. I always thought that the world was conspiring against me (the Machines especially), and seems to me now that it actually was.

   Before the zombies and all that I destincly remember my mum saying to my dad before she went to work, "oh, and make sure that the creature sees the daylight at least once today." That was rediculous. I love outside, but only when the weather's good (if it's warm it can be raining for it to be nice, but if it's cool then it must be dry and fresh.) It's never warm, and it's always raining.

   I used to waste my time (chipping away at the moments that make up a dog day. Something and wasting the hours in a offhand way.) and let's be honest, who didn't? You'd sit on the computer and do nothing much in particular, under the roose (is that the right word?) of revising, or, if you were like me, you'd write. Maybe on a computer or on paper, it doesn't matter. So. What I am going to do is tell you about my bloody life now and how it got to be so .... well... bloody.

5 THINGS I MISS

DVDs

lie-ins and free time

The Simpsons, South Park and Futurama (three of the best)

my cat

Our Lady. We've always had a complicated relationship.

 It's raining again. Oh, life on the west coast... in a zombie apocalyps.... not enviable, I'll tell you, until the sun shines during the bluebell moon. That's what I call May now. Time to move on, I say, and cast off the shackles of civilisation and move on to a grimmer and darker future.

   Well, anyway. I'm not going to tell you my name, so you can call me what you like. I am as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth, so you can imagine my age as you will. What I will tell you is I am slight and dark, and I like to wear a blue headscarf. Other than appearance, I feel I have a lot in common with that lad on Zombieland, except with less rules.

   Enough preliminaries! Let us begin, and chapter one seems as good a place as any. Tune in at some time in the future to read the next one that will (hopefully) be a little more interesting.