the life of a leader

As i get up from my short and fitful slumber on the lumpy bed of mother earth the fear, worry, and fealing of pure inadiquacy hit me like a wave of cold water. i look around at what used to be my hold out, the emptyness is tangable. My eye's wander over to the blank spot where Landon used to sleep, a pit reopens in my stomach and i swallow hard remembering him.

Landon was but one of my group, he was loud and boisterous, yet always endearing just enough to make up for it, and the occasonal sincer apology doesnt- didnt- hurt.i choke back tears as i remember him shouting  at me to return, to do my duty to protect him. not in so nice of words of course, but how nice can you be when you're being slowly eaten and your freinds are going the other way?

next my eyes fall upon the spot where Allan slept. Allen was- had been- the youngest and smallest in the group. he has short in statur, skrawny, reletively immature and had anger issues. Even though Allen had proven himself capable enough in the past he was still the one my worry fell on the most. Would it have been i'd never overcome that wory. I'd sent him on a task, easy enough i supposed, that had lead to his disapearance until 3 days later, when i had to put down his hungry corpse. i shudder and pull my eyes away from where he once lay.

Next my ever more clouded eyes meet the bed area of Tanya, the only femal ing the group and superior to me in every way, yet i survived and not she. it was cruel and sinceless irony, that she should die and i remained. she was small, but only in stature, she weighed 130 pounds, while she looked a mear 110. i shook my head; i had lead HER, she who was my secret crush and superior in all other activities, including the korean art of tai kwan do, that we had learned and she soon out stripped me. even her maturity, age and intelegence outstriped mine, i was an excemplury studen while she graduated at 15, i was the younger by a year and she more mentaly capable than most 30 year olds, yet i survived.

tears now well up in my eyes as i look to where Danial slept. Danial was short and hefty, yet an excelent survivalist and good companion. i'll admite he, like Landon, would grow upon the nerves at times but usually redeamed himself. usually. i regretfully recall the time when he stepped over the line, resulting in me making a descision that would haunt me till the end of my days. in a moment of fury i had told him to leave and not return, regreting it minuets late. Saddly, even with my near imediat change of heart we were unable to find him, and later that night we'd heard a familiar scream, ecoing across the winding stair valley.

now, with tears falling hot from my face i look upon the blank hole in my life that used to be Jay, my cousen and one of my greatest confadants. he had been a far superior shot than i and of a greater muscle quality. he should have been the leader in the first place, not i. yet for some unknowable reason, he'd allowed me to begin my "reighn of terror" that is it was terrible for the people involved. shaking slightly i remember how i was near death, surounded by 15 walking corpses when he'd saved me, a thing which i had not the courage to do for Landon.

With difficulty my gaze turns to the Last remaining survivor, my other cousen, Kile. he and i were close enough, neigh as close as Jay and i, but time had not worked on us as it had for me and Jay and we rarely saw eye to eye. Yeas Kile was still alive, yet he too i'd failed, for the day before we'd been in a brutal fight in which he'd slain many, yet was still bitten. his agressive personality had not allowed hiw to stop though, and he'd fought his way to a bittersweet victory. now i watch, Trembling and sobbing as my last freind in the world arises and begines to feast. I utter one last, ear splitting scream that held in it the body of my cowardace and inadiquacy as Jay awakens me to take my watch, i breath deeply as my still paniced eyes dart over the 6 survivors i still comanded, a wave of relief hits my: it was just another dream.