The Past two weeks have been...

May 7, 2009

Ran out of gas for my generator. I always visit the same place for my gasoline refills because it is virtually a zombie free zone, until last night. I was putting my gas hose into a parked vehicle and was about to put my lips around the end and suck the gasoline through, when I heard it. The tell tell signs of a hungry zombie. Quickly I pulled my swords out of their secured holder on my back and prepared for some zombie destruction. That's when I saw it, the biggest fattest zombie I had ever seen! Shit, this is going to take a lot of strength, you see I'm only 5'2". Luckily I watched a lot of action movies and learned some pretty useful stuff. I quickly positioned myself on the hood of the vehicle I was taking gasoline from and prepared to jump and slice. Was I athletic enough? I don't know, all I know is I was freaking terrified and that fat bastard was gnashing his fucking teeth at me and walking in the fastest pace I have yet to encounter on an older zombie.

One, two, three....I jumped with as much force as I could with my arms extended and my swords ready like the wings of a hawk going for its prey. As I fell towards fatty I brougt my arms together right over his fat ass neck. Just like butter, off came his ugly head! And you know the fucked up thing? That fat heads eyes were still rolling in its sockets and its awful mouth kept on opening and closing and making the worst gargling growling sound I have ever heard. As I looked in wonderment I plunged my sword right in the center of its cranium. Feeling a little sick and excited I went back to the hose so that I could finish the job I came for and that's when I felt it.

A hand closed around my thigh high leather boot with such force I fell face first into the dusty road. "Shit, what the hell is going on?" I groaned. Turning over to get to my knees I saw what was attached to the hand that grabbed me it was that fat bastards body! Still animated without its fucking head! Grabing my sword I sliced off the arm of the hand that held fast to my boot but its body was crawling towards me! Freaking for real? Well, I spent a good 45 minutes dicing up that fat zombie until it looked like it had been in a blender. I was exhausted and confused because I have never encountered such an anomaly.

I finally finished the job I had came for and was tempted to burn the remains of that fat fuck but remembered the instructions on this site about not burning the bodies. So I came home and took a long piss warm bath and tried to relax. That experience was nothing to what happened to me next.