Way to old for this stuff

Yeah, way too old, and too smart and too well educated and too experienced , and all the other "toos" that always tell you you don't have to do the things you know a perverse fucking universe has decided to demand of you if you want to avoid extinction. I figured I had fought my war and got my job and bought my house and married my wife, and the most I was going to have to worry about was  the constant upward creep of gas prices. Even have a great little garden, and a cat. Yeah, I have a fucking cat. And pepper plants. And just when you figure the great adventure is finally going to leave you alone, and you can sit in front of the tube and get fat and listen to your arteries harden, fate throws the whole world a big ugly spit ball, and you are back in body armor. Worse still, you have to make your own, because now the bad guys don't tote an AK and all the stuff that you thought you were ready for is a hundred and eighty degrees off what you need.

Zombies. Fucking stinky assed, goo dripping, old guy eating zombies. It couldn't have been a tyrannical government, or a meteor strike, or catastrophic earth quake. I was halfway ready for all those. No instead its one more nothing night on the video monitors in the ICU watching old sick people sleep while there hearts beat or halfway beat or cease to beat, and the dude in room six, who is supposed to be dead and waiting on a ride to the funeral home suddenly sits up. So of course you figure a mistake of some kind and run on down there, all the way cursing the newby nurse that managed to pronounce a dude that hadn't left the planet yet. Surprise! Yeah, it almost ended right there. Been fifteen years since I was in an actual physical conflict with another human. Fortunately some skills are engraved on your bones, and reflexes get slow but they never disappear altogether. My hair stands up when I realize how close that mess was. One nurse and the security guy never made it out of that room. I had at least had the common sense to put on some gloves and a face shield.

Anyway, when it was over I knew the world had changed. I didn't bother to trouble myself with how impossible it all was. I promise you they make angels that way, the whole "this can't be" thing. I was there, and I saw what I saw, and after the whole "lock the door and load the shotgun, I am coming home early" speech to the wife creature on my cell phone I left my scrubs on the locker room floor, wiped myself down with rubbing alcohol and headed home to the brave new world.

Zombie fighter...yeah I am light years too old for this shit.